Back to: Animal Jokes
Q: How do you tell the difference between a walrus and an orange?
A: Put your arms around it and squeeze it. If you don't get orange juice, it's a walrus.
Q: What's the difference between a walrus and a banana?
A: You'd better find out, because if you ever try to peel a walrus.
Q: What's a balanced diet for a walrus?
A: A seal in each paw!
Q: What did the walrus say when it was late?
A: "I would have been here sooner, but my iceberg hit a ship."
Q: What does a Walrus get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!
Q: What's the difference between a redhead and a walrus?
A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus!
Q: Why do walrus' swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Q: What did the grape say when the walrus stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: Where do walrus' go to see movies?
A: The dive-in!
Trained Walrus
I man with a walrus on a leash flopping along behind him walked into a bar. He pointed with his cane at the patrons and announced:
"This is an amazing Canadian trained walrus. Buy me a drink and I will show you the most amazing thing! She's fantastic!"
So a guy buys him a drink. The man looks down at the walrus. The walrus looks back at the man.
Then the man whacks the walrus on the head with a cane!
The walrus immediately sits up on her tail and unzips the man's pants. She pulls out his tent pole and services it, rolling her eyes and using just a little tusk.
As the man groans with pleasure, the walrus cleans him off with a napkin and rezips his pants.
"Now, would any of you like to try it? Just buy me another beer," the man says.
One fellow raises his hand. "Sure, man, I'll try it...but please...don't hit me with that stick!"
Religious Eskimo
The devout eskimo lost his favorite Bible while he was ice fishing.
Three weeks later, a walrus walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The eskimo couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the walrus's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the baby walrus. "Your name is written inside the cover."
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