Turkey Jokes
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: They use FOWL language.
Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A: A turkey that can pluck itself!
Q: What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it?
A: Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Q: Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Dear Turkeys, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.
Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Q: What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey?
A: We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
Q: If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want?
A: It simply wants to run away.
Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
A: God save the kin.
Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside
Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play
Q: What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY
Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy! I'm stuffed!
Q: What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
A: To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.
Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!
Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Q: What key has legs and can't open doors?
A: A Turkey.
Q: What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas?
A: Twerk-ey!
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off!
Q: What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey trot
Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving
Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A: A poultrygeist!
Q: What kind of turkey grows on a tree?
A: Poultry
Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Q: In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated?
A: Turkey.
Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?
A: Goblet.
Q: What was the turkey suspected of?
A: Fowl play.
Q: What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Q: Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
A: To hatchet.
Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make?
A: Wing! Wing!
Q: What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Q: What did the grape say when the turkey stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q: When does a turkey go "mooooo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!
Q: What's more amazing than a talking turkey?
A: A spelling bee!
Q: What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass?
A: Nice knawing you!
Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving,"
Little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
If I was a turkey, I'd be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.
They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, Turkeypocolypse or Stuffing-cide.
Want to really freak someone out? Add 2 extra turkey legs to the turkey when it's in the oven.
National Turkey Lovers' Day is celebrated annually on the third Sunday in June.
For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!
Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing in fluffy and when you're done eating you'll be nice and stuffy.
Happy Turkey Day, America! Don't forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.
Thanksgiving Turkey Song
O turkey dear
O turkey dear
How lovely are thy feathers
O turkey dear
O turkey dear
There could be nothing better!
We celebrate Thanksgiving Day
By putting your carcass on display.
O turkey dear
O turkey dear
You thought we were friends who came to greet you.
O turkey dear
O turkey dear
We gathered here to eat you!
O turkey day
O turkey day
The family is all together
O turkey day
O turkey day
We've over come bad weather
Seeing the family is so fab
We'll see ya'll again in rehab.
O turkey day
O turkey day
We'll drink away your memory.
The Wife
A guy brings a Turkey home , tells his wife it's a pet.
She asks , "Where are you going to keep it?"
He repies , "In the bedroom."
"But what about that horrible nasty smell?' , she asks.
"I got used to you , I'm sure he will too!"
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the savannah.
Three weeks later, a Turkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the Turkeyes mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the Turkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet Turkey walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my Turkey."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Turkey falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a Turkey."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Turkey sitting next to him.
"Are you a Turkey?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The Turkey replied, "Well, I liked the book."
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