Toad Jokes
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals!
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What do you call a woman with a toad on her head?
Lilly.
Q: Whats a toads favorite game?
A: It's croak-et!
Q: What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
A: Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!
Q: How do toads manage to lay so many eggs?
A: They sit eggsaminations!
Q: How do frogs die?
A: They kermit suicide!
Q: What's a toads favorite flower?
A: A croakus!
Q: What do you get if you cross a toad and a dog?
A: A croaker spaniel!
Q: What do toads drink?
A: Croaka-cola!
Q: What do you get if you cross a toad with a ferry?
A: A hoppercraft!
Q: What do toads drink?
A: Hot croako!
Q: What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
A: Star Warts!
Q: Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
A: Because he was newt to the area!
Q: Where do toads keep their treasure?
A: In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!
Q: What did the bus conductor say to the toad?
A: Hop on!
Q: What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
A: Morse toad!
Q: Whats the world weakest animal?
A: A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!
Q: What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A: A tadpole!
Q: What do Scottish toads play?
A: Hop-scotch!
Q: Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper?
A: He had his own frog horn!
Q: What's a toads favorite sweet?
A: Lollihops!
Q: What do you call a toad spy?
A: A croak and dagger agent!
Q: How did the toad die?
A: He simply croaked!
Q: Where do toads leave their hats and coats?
A: In the croakroom!
Q: What do you say to a hitchhiking toad?
A: Hop in!
Q: What is a toads favorite place to eat?
A: ihop!
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad!
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a toad walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the toad's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the toad. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Nasty Little Boy
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a toad in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet toad walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my toad."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the toad falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a toad."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a toad sitting next to him.
"Are you a toad?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The toad replied, "Well, I liked the book."
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