What happens when two snails get into a fight?
They slug it out!
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot?
Because it's not fast food.
How do snails get their shells so shiny?
They use snail varnish!
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of giants fingers!
What does a snail wear to go dancing??
Why is the snail the strongest animal?
Because he carries a house on his back!
How do snails make important calls?
On shell phones.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell?
He began to feel sluggish.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off?
I'll get you next slime!
What was the snail doing on the highway?
About one mile a day!
What is the definition of a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall?
How slime flies!
How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty?
The snails leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me"!
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet snail walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my snail."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the snail falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a snail."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a snail sitting next to him.
"Are you a snail?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The snail replied, "Well, I liked the book."