Q: What did the grape say when the sloth stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
A: He would only do the BEAR minimum.
Q: When does a sloth go "moo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!
Q: What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band?
A: Slow Patrol.
Q: How do you apologize to a sloth?
A: BEAR your heart and soul.
Q: What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ?
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth?
A: A slow leopard.
Q: What do sloths throw in winter?
Q: What do sloths make when it snows?
A: Slow Angels.
Q: What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle?
A: A slow-off (show off).
A tree with a sloth in it bears fruit.
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a sloth walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the sloth's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the sloth. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Nasty Little Boy
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a sloth in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up for 7 hours. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.
Several hours later, he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a sloth in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the sloth because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.