Short Rat Jokes
Q: What did one lab rat say to the other?
A: I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack.
Q: What does a twelve-pound rat say to a cat?
A: 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
Q: What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them?
A: Mice Krispies!
Q: What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A: A mouseketeer!
Q: What did the rat say when his friend broke his front teeth?
A: Hard cheese!
Q: Where do you go to replace a rat's tail?
A: A re-tail store!
Q: What is a rats favorite game?
A: Hide and squeak!
Q: What do you call a person with only two rats?
Q: How do you know your rat is hungry?
A: He's breathing.
Rat Bar Jokes
The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:
1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that even rats won't do.
The Rat and the Frog
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points tothe drunk who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat."The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a ventriloquist"
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking and bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."