Raccoon Jokes
Q: What do you call an Raccoon with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Q: What did the grape say when the Raccoon stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: Why did the Raccoon cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q: What kind of car does a raccoon drive?
A: A Furrari.
Q: When does a Raccoon go "moo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!
Q: Why did the racoon sleep under the car?
A: Because he wanted to wake up oily
Q: What do you call a Raccoon that can pick up an elephant ?
A: Sir!
The Wife
A guy brings a raccoon home , tells his wife it's a pet.
She asks , "Where are you going to keep it?"
He repies , "In the bedroom."
"But what about that horrible nasty smell?' , she asks.
"I got used to you , I'm sure he will too!"
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a raccoon walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the raccoon's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the raccoon. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Nasty Little Boy
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a raccoon in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet raccoon walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my raccoon."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the raccoon falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a raccoon."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a raccoon sitting next to him.
"Are you a raccoon?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The raccoon replied, "Well, I liked the book."