Back to: Animal Jokes
Q: What to polar bears eat for lunch?
A: Ice berg-ers!
Q: What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
Q: What's a balanced diet for a polar bear?
A: A seal in each paw!
Q: What did the polar bear say when it saw the igloo?
A: "Oooo! I LOVE these things! Crunchy on the outside - with a nice chewy center!"
Q: Why shouldn't you take polar bears to the zoo?
A: Because they'd rather go to the movies.
Q: What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed its tooth?
A: The dentist.
Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A: A polar bear.
Q: What do polar bears like to eat?
Q: What are polar bears called when they get caught in the rain?
A: Drizzly bears.
Q: What do you call a polar bear on thin ice?
A: an ice breaker
Q: What has four legs and a flipper?
A: A happy polar bear!
Q: How does a polar bear stop a VCR?
A: It just presses the "paws" button.
Q: How do you keep a polar bear from charging?
A: Insist that it pay cash!
Q: What did the polar bear put on the sign when seals were very scarce?
A: "Tourists Welcome!"
Q: What do you call a dream in which polar bears are attacking you?
A: A bitemare!
Q: What do polar bears like to eat in the cold?
A: A "brrr"-"grrr"!
Q: What did the polar bear say after a winter of feeding on seals?
A: "I think I'd like a salad!"
Q: What did the Polar Bear say when it saw a seal on a skateboard?
A: "Meals on Wheels!"
Q: What do you call a big mean polar bear?
A: Don't call it anything - just RUN!
Q: What do you call a polar bear wearing earmuffs?
A: Call it anything you want - it can't hear you.
Q: When is a polar bear not a polar bear?
A: When it's in a "grizzly" mood.
Q: Why would polar bears be cheap to keep as pets?
A: They live on ice!
Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a rose?
A: I'm not sure - but I wouldn't try smelling it!
Q: Polar bear cubs are born wet, naked, and in an icy cave. Then what happens?
A: Things get worse!
Q: Where do you find polar bears?
A: It depends on where you lost them.
Q: Why do polar bears like bald men?
A: Because they have a great, white, bear (uh...bare) place!
Q: What do you get if you cross a polar bear and a harp seal?
A: A bear faced lyre!
Q: What did the polar bear say to itself when the hunter was shooting at it?
A: "Hey! He's SHOOTING at me! Do I know this guy? Think! Think!"
Q: How do you put a polar bear into a refrigerator?
A: It's easy - just open the door. Polar bears like cold places.
The devout eskimo lost his favorite Bible while he was ice fishing.
Three weeks later, a baby polar bear walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The eskimo couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the polar bear's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the baby polar bear. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet polar bear walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my polar bear."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the polar bear falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a polar bear."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a polar bear sitting next to him.
"Are you a polar bear?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The polar bear replied, "Well, I liked the book."
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a baby polar bear in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that polar bear?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the polar bear again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that polar bear to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a polar bear in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the polar bear because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.
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