Platypus Jokes


Bartender
The platypus went into a bar.
He bought two sodas.
"That'll be $2.50, please" said the bartender.
"Just put it on my bill" said the platypus.

Shrimp
A platypus walks into a bar and tells the bartender,"Got any shrimp?"
The bartender says ,"No, now go away!."
The platypus walks in to the bar again and says, "Got any shrimp?"
The bartender says,"No and if you ask me that one more time I'll staple your webbed feet into the floor!"
The platypus walks into the bar again and says,"Do you have any staples?"
And the bartender says,"No."
Then the platypus says,"Got any shrimp?"

Pickup Truck

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of platypus'. He pulls the guy over and says...
"You can't drive around with platypus' in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says "OK"... and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of platypus', and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands...
"I thought I told you to take these platypus' to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies...
"I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Nasty Little Boy

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a platypus in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"

Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: To show the possum that it could be done.

Q: What do you get when you cross a toilet and a platypus?
A: A potty-pus

Q: Why did the platypus catch the bus?
A: Because he didn't want to walk.

Q: What do you call a platypus at the playboy mansion?
A: Platypussy

Q: What did the grape say when the platypus stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Q: When does a platypus go "moo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!

Q: What do you call a platypus that can pick up an elephant ?
A: Sir!

Q: What do you get if you cross a platypus with a night club?
A: A Party-pus.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Platypus and a Steamroller?
A: Splatterpus

Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus with 8 tenticles?
A: An octa-pus.

Q: How did the platypus politician calm the crowd?
A: He gave them platy-tudes.

Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: Because he felt like fried chicken

Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus and a long division problem?
A: A Mathypus.

Q: Why didn't the platypus pay the taxi driver?
A: Because he only had a one-dollar-bill!

Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: Because there was free food on the other side.

Q: What did the platypus eat at the football match?
A: A platy pie.

Q: Why did the Platypus cross the road?
A: Because he wanted to see his flat mate.

Q: What do get when a platypus crosses the road?
A: You get a flatypus.

Q: What do you call a platypus who likes to do the patti-cake?
A: A patti-pus.

Q: Why did the Platypus cross the road?
A: Because it wanted to eat the chicken.

Q: Why did the Platypus cross the road?
A: Because it was in the wrong joke.

Q: Why did the crayfish cross the road?
A: To get away from the platypus.

Q: Why did the platypus go to the power plant?
A: To eat the Y2K bug.

Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: Because he couldn't find KFC.

Q: What does a platypus eat off of?
A: A platter-puss.

Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: To get away from all the people who wrote these other bad platypus jokes.

Q: What was the platypus's favourite James Bond movie?
A: Platypussy.

Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus with a scruffy old tom cat?
A: A duck billed tatty pus.

Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: He wanted to beat the chicken.

Q: What do you get when a platypus falls off a ten story building?
A: A Splattypus!

Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus and a lady?
A: A girl platypus!

Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus with a king-sized dinner?
A: A fatty-pus.

Q: What do you get if you cross a hungry cat with roast duck?
A: A duck-filled-fatty-puss!

Q: Why did the Platypus cross the road?
A: Because it was taped to the chicken!

Q: Why did the Platypus cross the road?
A: Because the chicken was on holiday!

Q: What do you call a deep fried platypus?
A: A battered-pus

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