Penguin Jokes
Q: Whats a penguins favorite relative?
A: Aunt Arctica!
Q: What do penguins eat for lunch?
A: Ice-burgers!
Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
A: Lost!
Q: Where do penguins go swimming?
A: At the South Pool!
Q: How do Penguins drink their cola?
A: On the rocks.
Q: What's black and white and goes round and around?
A: A Penguin in a revolving door.
Q: What do penguins wear on their heads?
A: Ice caps.
Q: Why do two Penguins in a nest always agree?
A: Because they don't wanna fall out.
Q: What do Penguins like to eat?
A: Brrrrrrrritos.
Q: Who is a Penguin's favourite pop star?
A: Seal.
Q: What's black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?
A: A penguin rolling down a hill
Q: What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
A: Starfish.
Q: Where do penguins keep their money?
A: In a snow bank!
Q: Why don't Penguins like rock music?
A: They only like sole.
Q: Whats black and white and red all over?
A: a penguin on a rampage
Q: What do you call a happy penguin?
A: a Pen-Grin!
Q: What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
A: Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Q: What did Morgan Freeman say when Penguins told him they liked March of the Penguins?
A: Why the hell was I narrating it if Penguins can talk
Q: Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
A: Because they haven't got any pockets.
Q: What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Q: Were do penguins get money from?
A: A fishbank.
Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A burnt penguin!
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An embarrassed penguin.
Q: Have you heard of Flight of the Penguins (sequel to March)?
A: Its a whale of a tale
Yo mamma so fat even penguins are jealous of the way she waddles.
Religious Zookeeper
The devout zookeeper lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out at the zoo.
Three weeks later, a penguin walked up to him carrying the Bible in its beak.
The zookeeper couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the penguin's beak, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the penguin. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Gas Station
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up.
While doing thisthe clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a great time. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a penguin sitting next to him.
"Are you a penguin?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The penguin replied, "Well, I liked the book."
The Mechanic
A penguin is driving along one day and his car starts making this really strange sound.
So, he pulls into the first gas station he sees, jumps out of his car, runs up to the mechanic and says: "I need for someone to look at my car! There's something wrong with it!"
The mechanic looks at him and says "Well I can do that but you'll have to wait about 20 minutes or so."
The penguin looks across the street and notices an ice cream shop! (Penguins just LOVE Ice cream.) So he says "OK I'll be back."
He tosses him his keys runs across the street and has a big ol' bowl of ice cream.
He comes back, looks at the mechanic and says "Did you figure out what's wrong with my car?"
"Well" replies the mechanic "looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin quickly wipes off his face and says "OH NO, that's just ice cream!"
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