Short Panda Jokes
Q: What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A: A panda rolling down a hill.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A sunburnt panda.
Q: Why do pandas have fur coats?
A: Because they'd look stupid in denim jackets.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they're in black and white.
Q: What do chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Q: What's a Chinese bear's favorite expendable organ?
A: The panda-creas!
Q: Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
A: It was Panda-monium.
Q: What do Chinese bears wear around their face when they're robbing banks?
Q: How did the panda lose his dinner?
A: He was "Bamboozled"!
Q: Why did the panda date a Victoria Secret model?
A: She had really big bamboobs.
Q: What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
A: This is un-BEAR-able
Q: What's black and white and as hard as a rock?
A: A panda that's fallen in cement.
Q: What's black and white and goes round and round?
A: A panda stuck in a revolving door.
Q: Did you hear about the Pandas that were in a food fight?
A: They all got Bambooboos
Q: What goes white black white black white black red?
A: A panda that falls from a cliff.
Q: How many Pandas does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The Pandas will get back to you on that, as soon as they can find a store that sells clothing in lightbulb sizes.
I love Pandas, they're so chill. They're like "Dude, racism is stupid. I'm White, Black, and Asian....."
I asked a Panda if he was my friend. He said "Just Bearly".
Panda Bar Jokes
Panda Dinner Etiquette
A Panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders a meal and eats it.
After politely paying for his meal, he pulls out a gun and shoots it in the air. He immediately walks out the door.
"Why did you do that?" hollered the confused waitress.
Looking back over his shoulder the panda says "I'm a panda". "Look it up in the dictionary."
The waitress locates the dictionary on her bosses desk and searches for the definition of panda bear. Finding it she reads,
"Panda Bear - A large black and white bear like mammal native to the far east. Eats shoots and leaves."
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet panda walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my panda."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the panda falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a panda."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a panda sitting next to him.
"Are you a panda?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The panda replied, "Well, I liked the book."
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a miniature panda in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that panda?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the panda again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that panda to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"