Husband & Wife
Q: What's the difference between a pizza and an otter?
A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
Q: What do you call the loose skin around the vagina?
A: An otter
Q: What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito?
A: An otter fortune cookie
Q: What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter.
A: A little (h)otter
Q: An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving?
A: Animal Control
Q: How do you save a drowning otter?
A: Take your foot of its head
Q: Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle?
A: Yes he's a rabid fan.
Q: Why do otters stink?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Where do otters keep their money?
A: In the river bank!
Q: What do you call a kids book about otters?
A: Harry Otter.
Q: What kind of car does an otter drive?
A: A Furrari.
Q: How does an otter get into an honest business?
A: Usually through the skylight.
Q: What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Q: What do you drive in a river?
A: An otter-mobile.
Q: What did the grape say when the otter stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: Why did the otter cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q: When does a otter go "moo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!
Q: What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ?
A husband and wife are driving home and run over a otter, they get out and find its still breathing but freezing cold.
The husband says "Put it between your legs to warm it up"
Wife replies "But its all wet and it stinks!"
Husband says "Well hold its nose!".
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a otter walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the otter's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the otter. "Your name is written inside the cover."
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of otters. He pulls the guy over and says...
"You can't drive around with otters in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says "OK"... and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of otters, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands...
"I thought I told you to take these otters to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies...
"I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"
Nasty Little Boy
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a BB gun in one hand and a otter in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet otter walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my otter."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the otter falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a otter."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a otter sitting next to him.
"Are you a otter?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The otter replied, "Well, I liked the book."