Orangutan Jokes


Q: What do you call a monkey who works in a call centre?
A: A who-rang-utang!

Q: What do you call a monkey who can't hear the telephone and who has a wife called Tang?
A: Who-rang-o-tang!

Q: What did the orangutan say to the chimp?
A: Ginger's the new black!

Q: What's white and swings through the trees?
A: A meranguetan!

Q: What is a orangutan's favorite cookie?
A: Chocolate chimp!

How did Gertie Orangutan win the beauty contest?
She was the beast of the show!

How do you prepare a Orangutan sundae?
Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!

What did George Washington have to do with Orangutans?
As little as possible, dummy!

What do you feed a 600 pound Orangutan?
Anything it wants!

What does a Orangutan attorney study?
The Law of the jungle!

What does a Orangutan learn first in school?
The Apey-cees!

What gives a orangutan good taste?
Four years in an Ivy League school!

What happens if you cross a parrot with a Orangutan?
Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you'd listen!

What's orange, brown and white, orange, brown and white, brown and white, etc.?
An Orangutan riding down a snowbank!

What is as big as an orangutan but weighs nothing?
Its shadow!

When did the Orangutans start to picket the cookie factory?
The day they started to manufacture animal crackers!

Which author do the Orangutans love most?
Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'

Which drink makes a Orangutan feel tipsy?
An ape-ricot sour!

Which technique does a Orangutan borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?
The bear hug!

Who is the Orangutans' favourite President of recent years?
Hairy Truman!

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Orangutans during World War Two?
Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Why did the actor fire his Orangutan agent?
The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite!

Why did the female Orangutan, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding?
Because in the last analysis she just couldn't see it!

Why did the Orangutan fail English?
He had little Ape-titude!

Why do waiters like Orangutans better than flies?
Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter, there's a Orangutan in my soup!'

Q: Why do orangutans have big nostrils?
A: They have big fingers.

How do you make a Orangutan laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale!

How do you make a Orangutan float?
Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Orangutan!

Q: Why don't the orangutans in the jungle play poker any more?
A: There are just too many Cheetahs.

Q: Why are orangutans so noisy?
A: They were raised in a zoo!

How did a Orangutan come to be with Washington at Valley Forge?
He had seen a sign saying, 'Uncle Simian Wants You!'

Q: Why do orangutans have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers!

Q: Why did the orangutan fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.

Q: What do orangutans do when they're mad at each other?
A: They have a Gorilla war!

Q: Why did the orangutan go to the doctor?
A: Because his banana wasn't peeling very well!

Q: What should you do if you find a orangutan sitting at your school desk?
A: Sit somewhere else!

Q: What's a orangutan's favourite drink?
A: A sas-gorilla.

Q: How do orangutans get down the stairs?
A: They slide down the banana-ster!

Q: What do orangutans do when they go mad?
A: Go bananas!

Q: What do you call a orangutan playing quidditch?
A: A hairy potter!!

Q: What's a orangutans's favourite pop group?
A: Bananarama!

Q: What is a orangutans's favourite toy?
A: A Bab-boom-orang!

Q: What sort of key does a orangutan need to open a banana?
A: A monk-key!

Q: Where do orangutans like to get their hair cut?
A: Vidal Baboon!

Q: What's a orangutans favourite music band?
A: The Gorillaz!

Q: What did the banana say to the orangutan?
A: Nothing, bananas don't talk!


Night of Drinking
A man and his pet orangutan walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my orangutan."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the orangutan falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a orangutan."

Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a orangutan sitting next to him.
"Are you a orangutan?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The orangutan replied, "Well, I liked the book."

How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a orangutan in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the orangutan because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.

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