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Mouse Jokes


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Where do hamsters come from?
Hamsterdam!

What's a mouse's least favorite record?
What's up Pussycat!

Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!

What do rodents say when they play bingo?
'Eyes down for a full mouse'!

What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!

Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they'd look silly with long hair!

What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!

What is a mouse's favorite game?
Hide and squeak!

What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them?
Mice Krispies!

What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!

What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!

What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.

What is a mouse's favorite record?
'Please cheese me'!

What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!

What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!

What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer?
Mice cubes!

What's gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!

What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!

Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!

What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!

What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!

Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!

What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!

Q: What does the mouse say to its mate?
A: "Were like crackers and cheese"

What's a mouse's favorite record?
Please cheese me!

What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
A mouse sandwich!

What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse?
Sir!

How do mice celebrate when they move home?
With a mouse warming party!

Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves?
Mickey Moose!

How do you save a drowning mouse?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a mouse walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the mouse's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the mouse. "Your name is written inside the cover."


Night of Drinking
A man and his pet mouse walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my mouse."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the mouse falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a mouse."

Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a mouse sitting next to him.
"Are you a mouse?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The mouse replied, "Well, I liked the book."

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