Moose Jokes
Moose Bar Jokes
Two Hunters
Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region.
The pilot drops them off and tells them, "I`ll be back in one week. No more than one moose - got it?"
One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says, "Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose."
One of the hunters replies, "Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a `big` tip to take both moose out."
The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose.
Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet. Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree.
The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says, "Where the heck are we?"
The other looks around and replies, "About 200 yards further than we got last year!"
Bullwinkle
In Portland, Maine a 500 pound moose jumped off an overpass on route I-95, falling 20 feet to it's death.
Witnesses say they overheard the moose scream before jumping,
"Hey Rocky, watch me fly over this guardrail!"
Short Moose Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a ska band and a moose?
A: A moose has horns in the front and its asshole in the back!
Q: What has antlers and sucks blood?
A: A moose-quito!
Q: What do you get when you cross a mouse and a deer?
A: Mickey Moose
Q: Why do moose have such big antlers?
A: So they get better radio reception!
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet moose walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my moose."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the moose falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a moose."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a moose sitting next to him.
"Are you a moose?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The moose replied, "Well, I liked the book."
How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a moose in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the moose because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.