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Lizard Jokes


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Q: What do you call a lizard that sings for Bad Boy Records?
A: A Rap-tile!

Q: Did you hear about the old chameleon that couldn't change colour?
A: He had a reptile disfunction.

Q: What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
A: Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

Q: What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?
A: The Lizard of Oz!

Q: Which Lizards do people wear to the beach?
A: Crocs!

Q: What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A: A chameleon on a tartan rug!

Q: What do you call an Badger with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can't hear you!

Q: What did the grape say when the Komodo Dragon stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Q: When does a lizard go "moo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!

Q: What do you call a lizard that can pick up an elephant ?
A: Sir!

Q: What do you call a rich lizard?
A: A golf blooded reptile!

Q: Why did the lizard cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a lizard walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the lizard's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the lizard. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Nasty Little Boy

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a lizard in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"

Pickup Truck

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of lizards. He pulls the guy over and says...
"You can't drive around with lizards in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says "OK"... and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of lizards, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands...
"I thought I told you to take these lizards to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies...
"I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"

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