A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a BLT sandwich.
The Koala eats the BLT sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar.
The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you ate my sandwich and shot my piano player, and just where do you think you're going!?"
The Koala replies, "Hey, I'm a Koala. Look it up."
The frustrated bartender pulls out a dictionary from behind the bar and looks up Koala:
The dictionary said "n. a marsupial that eats shoots and leaves."
Smoking a Joint
A koala is sitting up a Eucalypt tree ... smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the Eucalypt tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the Eucalypts tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says: "WTFFFF dude ... how much water did you drink?
Religious Australian Cowboy
The devout Australian cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a koala walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the koala's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the koala. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Nasty Little Australian Boy
A policeman caught a nasty little Australian boy with a BB gun in one hand and a koala in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet koala walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my koala."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the koala falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a koala."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a koala sitting next to him.
"Are you a koala?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The koala replied, "Well, I liked the book."
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a koala in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that koala?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the koala again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that koala to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
Q: What's a Koalas favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala!
Q: Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
A: Because he was koala-fied.
Q: Why are koala's so sleepy?
A: Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Q: How does a koala get from one place to another?
A: On a gondkoala
Q: What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: How do you apologize to a koala?
A: BEAR your heart and soul.
Q: Why isn't the the koala a real bear?
A: He doesn't have the right koalifications.
Q: Why did the Koala cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q: When does a Koala go "moo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!
Q: What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ?