Horse Jokes

Q: What do race horses eat?
A: Fast Food.

Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Because somebody shouted hay!

Q: What do you call a scary female horse?
A: A nightmare!

Are you a horse? Yay or neigh?

Q: What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A: A Macintosh

Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race?
A: Sherbet

Q: What do you call a promiscious pony?
A: A Little Whorse

Q: Why do horses like to fart when they buck?
A: Because they can't achieve full horse power without gas.

Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?
A: His horse's name was Friday!

Q: Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
A: She always said Neigh

Q: What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A: A tale of WHOA!

Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?
A: A zebra!

Q: What street do horses live on?
A: Mane St.

Q: When do vampires watch horse racing?
A: When it's neck and neck.

Q: What does a horse say when you don't give them enough hey?
A: Ney.

Q: What did the momma say to the foal?
A: Its pasture your bedtime

Q: What did the waiter say to the horse?
A: I can't take your order. That's not my stable.

Q: What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
A: Use the Pony Express.

Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.

Q: How do you make a small fortune breeding horses?
A: Start with a large fortune.

Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz

Q: How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse?
A: With Southern Horspitality!

Q: Where do horses get their hair done?
A: Maine.

Q: How do you know when a foal is sick?

Q: When does the person living next to you get annoying?
A: When he is NEIGH-BORED.

Q: What do you call a boy named Ryder who likes to ride a horses back?

Q: What do you call 144 horses in a box?
A: Gross!

Q: What is a horses favorite state?
A: Neighbraska.

Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up?
A: In the pasture

Q: What do you call a well balanced horse?
A: Stable.

Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk?
A: Nightmares!

Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Because it wanted to see its neighbers!

Q: What do you call a noisy horse?
A: A herd animal.

Q: How do you get a horse drunk?
A: Drink him under the stable.

Q: Why are most horses in shape?
A: Because they are on a stable diet.

Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde water-polo player?
A: His horse drowned

Q: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into her class?
A: "Why the long face?"

Q: What's invisible and smells like hay?
A: Horse farts.

Q: What is a young Colts favorite sport?
A: Stable Tennis.

Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse?
A: He lays his cards on the stable.

Q: What do you ask a sad horse?
A: "Why the long face?"

Q: What do you call a baby donkey?
A: A burrito!

Q: What did the mare tell her filly after dinner?
A: Clear the Stable.

Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor!

Q: What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night?
A: A nightmare!

Q: What is a horses favorite song?
A: Watch Me (Whip / Neigh Neigh)

Q: Where do horses go when they're sick?
A: The horsepital!

Q: Where do horses shop?
A: Old Neigh-vy!

Q: Did you know that Mister Ed's real name was Bamboo Harvester?
A: Yeah, I got it straight from the horses mouth.

Q: Why did the Anorexic blonde start eating hay?
A: The doctor told her she needed to eat like a horse.

Q: Why don't racehorses wear underwear?
A: Because it rides up on them!

Q: Did you hear about the horse that wears condoms?
A: They call him the "Trojan" horse.

Q: Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?
A: Because it had bad stable manners!

Q: How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the farm?
A: Pay him under the stable.

Q: What kind of bread does a horse eat?
A: Thoroughbred

Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.

Q: Why was the horse naked?
A: Because the jockey fell off.

Q: How do you get a wild horse to accept a halter?
A: You turn the stables on him.

A man from the olden days rode into town on Monday, he spent six days and left on Friday how is this possible?
Friday was the name of his horse.

A Horse is a very Stable Animal.

Yo momma so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real.

I call my son Seabiscuit because all he does is horse around.

She was only a stable-lad's daughter, but all the horse manure (knew 'er)

Is it coincidence that you play chess with four horsemen.

The White Pony Fell In The Mud.
(It Wasn't Mud)

The pony went to the doctor and said "I have a sore throat."
The doctor said "It's okay your just a little horse."

There was this young filly whose owners decided to have her "fixed." The stallion next door was heartbroken, as he'd always wanted to mate with her. He pined for her constantly.
Moral of the Story?
"A pony spayed is a pony yearned."

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a horse walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the horse's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the horse. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Night of Drinking
A man and his pet horse walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my horse."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the horse falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a horse."

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a horse sitting next to him.
"Are you a horse?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The horse replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Front Seat
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a minature horse in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that horse?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the farm."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the horse again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that horse to the farm!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

Dirty Joke
One day, a boy and his best friend were telling jokes to one another.
They were having fun. These boys were some of the nicest kids and would never say a dirty joke.
One of the boys says "Hey you want to hear this dirty joke. I heard it from my brother"
The other boy was curious so he agreed and said yes. "Ok then. A horse fell into a mud puddle"

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