Back to: Animal Jokes
Q: What do you call a promiscious pony?
A: A Little Whorse
Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Because somebody shouted hay!
Q: What do you call a scary female horse?
A: A nightmare!
Q: What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A: A Macintosh
Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race?
Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?
A: His horse's name was Friday!
Q: Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
A: She always said Neigh
Q: What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A: A tale of WHOA!
Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?
A: A zebra!
Q: When do vampires like horse racing?
A: When it's neck and neck.
Q: What do race horses eat?
A: Fast Food.
Q: What did the waiter say to the horse?
A: I can't take your order. That's not my stable.
Q: What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
A: Use the Pony Express.
Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.
Q: How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry?
A: Start with a large fortune.
Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz
Q: How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse?
A: With Southern Horspitality!
Q: What do you call 144 horses in a box?
Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up?
A: In the pasture
Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk?
Q: How do you get a horse drunk?
A: Drink him under the stable.
Q: Why are most horses in shape?
A: Because they are on a stable diet.
Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde water-polo player?
A: His horse drowned
Q: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into her class?
A: "Why the long face?"
Q: What is a young Colts favorite sport?
A: Stable Tennis.
Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse?
A: He lays his cards on the stable.
Q: What do you ask a sad horse?
A: "Why the long face?"
Q: What do you call a baby donkey?
A: A burrito!
Q: What did the mare tell her filly after dinner?
A: Clear the Stable.
Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor!
Q: What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night?
A: A nightmare!
Q: Where do horses go when they're sick?
A: The horsepital!
Q: Where do horses shop?
A: Old Neigh-vy!
Q: Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?
A: Because it had bad stable manners!
Q: How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the farm?
A: Pay him under the stable.
Q: What kind of bread does a horse eat?
Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
Q: Why was the horse naked?
A: Because the jockey fell off.
Q: How do you get a wild horse to accept a halter?
A: You turn the stables on him.
Q: A man from the olden days rode into town on his horse he spended six days and left on Friday how is this possible?
A: Friday was the name of his horse.
There was this young filly whose owners decided to have her "fixed." The stallion next door was heartbroken, as he'd always wanted to mate with her. He pined for her constantly.
Moral of the Story?
"A pony spayed is a pony yearned."
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a horse walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the horse's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the horse. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet horse walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my horse."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the horse falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a horse."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a horse sitting next to him.
"Are you a horse?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The horse replied, "Well, I liked the book."
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a minature horse in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that horse?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the farm."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the horse again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that horse to the farm!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
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