Hippopotamus Jokes


Q: What's a hippos favourite kind of music?
A: Hip-hop

Q: What did the grape say when the hippopotamus stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Q: How do you make sure a hippo is telling you the truth?
A: Make him take the Hippocratic Oath.

Q: How can you get a hippo to do whatever you want?
A: Hipponotism.

Q: What do you call a naughty hippopotamus in nature?
A: Hip Hop Hooray...Ho..Hey...Ho.

Q: Why did the hippo cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Q: What do you call a mean hippo?
A: A hippocrite

Q: When does a hippo go "mooooo"?
A: When it is learning a new language!

Q: What's more amazing than a talking hippo?
A: A spelling bee!

Q: What do you call a hippo in a phone booth?
A: Stuck!

Q: What happens when hippos get too cold?
A: They get hippothermia.

Q: What do you call a lazy hippo?
A: A hippopota-mess!

Q: What do you call a hippo with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can't hear you!

Q: What is as big as a hippo but weighs nothing?
A: Its shadow!

Q: What do you call a fashionable hippopotamus?
A: A hippo-ster.

Q: What time is it when a hippo sits on your bed? A: Time to get a new bed!
Q: How do you say hello to a hippopotamus?
A: Hi-po!

Q: What do you call a long haired hippo? A: A hippy

Q: How do you inoculate a hippo?
A: With a hippodermic needle.

The Wife
A guy brings a Hippo home , tells his wife it's a pet.
She asks , "Where are you going to keep it?"
He repies , "In the bedroom."
"But what about that horrible nasty smell?' , she asks.
"I got used to you , I'm sure he will too!"

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the savannah.
Three weeks later, a Hippopotamus walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the Hippos mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the Hippo. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Night of Drinking
A man and his pet Hippopotamus walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my Hippopotamus."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Hippopotamus falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a Hippopotamus."

Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Hippo sitting next to him.
"Are you a Hippo?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The Hippopotamus replied, "Well, I liked the book."

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