Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon!
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing?
Just for the halibut!
What did the salmon say when he swam into a wall?
Damn!
What does the pope eat during lent?
Holy mackerel!
Why are fish such intelligent creatures?
Because they swim in schools!
What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
A motor pike!
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!
Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!
Where are most fish found?
Between the head and the tail!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
Monkfish!
What bit of fish doesn't make sense?
The piece of cod that passeth all understanding!
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?
A fish tank!
What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?
Tsardines!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
Why are gold fish orange?
The water makes them rusty!
Who held the baby octopus to ransome?
Squidnappers!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
It's scales!
What fish do road-menders use?
Pneumatic krill!
What happens when sharks take their clothes off?
They go sharkers!
What game do fish like playing the most?
Name that tuna!
What do naked fish play with?
Bare-a-cudas!
What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon?
An electric shark!
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fssshh
Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
Jack the kipper!
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?
Whale of fortune!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
To the prawn broker!
What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather!
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
He got lockjaw!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Where do you weigh whales?
At a whale weigh station!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse!
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