Deer Bar Jokes
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.
Wife Goes Hunting
It was Saturday morning and John, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Mary, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. John asks her, "What are you up to?"
Mary smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" John, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.
They arrive at the hunting site. John sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."
John walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Mary couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, John starts running back. As John gets closer to her stand, he hears Mary screaming, "Get away from my deer!"
Confused, John races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, John is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"'
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely.
The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey." The second lawyer responded,"Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day."
Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'.
The little girl screams to her brother
'Don't eat it, it's an asshole..
Deer Short Jokes
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.
Q: How do you save a deer during hunting season?
A: You hang on for deer life.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: I have no I-Deer
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye-deer.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls?
A: Still no fucking eye-deer.
Q: What did the doe say to the 24 point buck?
A: Boy your Horny!
Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Q: Why did the hunter miss his mark?
A: He was not aiming deerectly for it.
Q: What do you call four female deer?
A: FO REAL DOE
Q: What did the female Deer say to her Mate when he wanted a Three-way?
A: It Might be a Buck more, but I wouldn't buy that for a dollar.
Q: Who did Bambi invite to his birthday party?
A: His nearest and deer-est friends.
Q: What's the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
A: One is a dollar fifty and the other is just under a buck.
Q: What do deers call hunters?
A: Doe foes.
Q: What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail?
A: One that stays off the Highway!
Q: Whats the cheapist kind of meat?
A: Deer balls there under a buck!
A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.
When it came time to pay,
the skunk didn't have a scent,
the deer didn't have a buck,
so they put the meal on the duck's bill.