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Crocodile Jokes


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Crocodile Short Jokes

Q: What do you call an crocodile in a vest?
A: An investigator.

Q: What's the similarity between a Crocodile and Windows?
A: Neither of them has enough bytes!

Q: How many arms has a crocodile got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

Q: What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
A: I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!

Q: What do crocodiles call human children?
A: Appetizers.

Q: Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!

Q: What's worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
A: Two crocodiles coming to dinner

Q: Why are crocodiles comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!

Q: What is a crocodile's favorite drink?
A: Gator-ade.

Q: What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
A: An Alley-Gator!

Q: Why won't crocodiles attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy!

Q: What do yuppie crocodiles like to drink
A: Jaw-va

Q: What was the nerd crocodiles favorite programming language
A: Jaw-va

Q: What do you call a crocodile that makes others fight?
A: An Instigator.

Q: What is an crocodiles favorite smell?
A: Human blood.

Crocodile Bar Jokes

Walks into a Bar
A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender:
"Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure."
"Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile."

Army Training
At an army training camp in Florida, the Seargent is giving a talk: "The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment."
An crocodile came in the room and bit the seargents penis.
It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes and kicked it off.
"Now who's ready to show their commitment?" said the Seargent.
A man put his hand up and said "I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."

Rich Millionaire

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.'

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the tails come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the crocodiles are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!'

Crocodile Shoes
A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Crocodile shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!".

So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an crocodile moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer.

Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!".

The Crocodile Does Tricks

A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile.
The bartender goes, "You can't bring that animal in here!"
But the guy says, "Hey, he does tricks. Watch!"
He taps on the crocodile's head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile's mouth. Then he taps on the crocodile's head again, and the beast closes its mouth.
Everyone in the bar is aghast. The guy gets his penis out, and he goes, "I'll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that."
Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, a drunk shouts, "I... I think I can do that. But I don't think I can leave my mouth open that long!"

How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a girraffe in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the girraffe because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.

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