Cow Jokes


Cow Bar Jokes

Riding The Train

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.

"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

Emergency Room

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Thats when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?", asked the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Two Cows in a field

Two cows were out in a field eating grass.
One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!"
"Hey", the other cow replies.... "I was just about to say the same thing!"

Cow Riddle

My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course.
She's been grazing in the field too long,...
And now she thinks she's a horse.

Cow Short Jokes

Q: Why don't cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry

Q: What did mama cow say to baby cow?
A: It's pasture bedtime.

Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and an upset cow?
A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.

Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
A: The farmer had cold hands.

Q: What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A: Beef strokin' off.

Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.

Q: What do you call a cow you can't see?
A: Camooflauged.

Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
A: Because the cow has the utter.

Q: What do cows do while skiing?
A: Moo-Guls!

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: Give a cow a pogo stick.

Q: What is a cow's favorite lunch meat?
A: Bullogna

Q: What does a cow put on his french toast?
A: Moooolasses.

Q: What do you call an evil cow?
A: De-mooooon.

Q: Why was the cow so scared?
A: Because he was a cow-ard.

Q: What did the cow say to the cow tipping rednecks?
A: Don't moooove a muscle.

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.

Q: Where do cows go for lunch?
A: The calf-eteria.

Q: What do you call a cow that can cut the grass?
A: Mulan.

Q: What do you call animal drinking with Justin Timberlake?
A: TEA COW!

Q: Which job is a cow most suited for?
A: Baker. Because they're making cow pies regularly.

Q: "Where did the cows go last night"?
A: "To the mooon"

Q: Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull?
A: On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

Q: What do you call a cow with an assistant?
A: Moooooving up in the world.

Q: Why can't a cow become a detective?
A: They refuse to go on Steakouts!

Q: How does a cow get to the mooooon?
A: It flies through udder space!

Q: What happens when you talk to a cow?
A: It goes in one ear and out the udder!

Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.

Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow?
A: Peanut butter.

Q: What do you get when you walk under a cow?
A: A pat on the head.

Q: How does lady gaga like her steak?
A: Raw raw raw raw raw.

Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: Cause it didnt want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him.

Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and Quackers!

Q: What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence
A: Udder-Catastrophe

Q: Where do you find the most cows?
A: Moo-York

Q: What do cows get when they are sick?
A: Hay Fever

Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder.

Q: What do you call a sad cow?
A: Mooooved to tears.

Q: Did you hear that Chuck Norris is a matador?
A: He takes the bull by the horns.

Q: Where did the bull lose all his money?
A: At the Cowsino.

Q: What did the cow say to the lousy renter?
A: Moooooooooo your self out of here.

Q: How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?
A: Wait til one busts a moooooove.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that died with a bow and arrow in her hand?
A: She hit the bull's eye.

Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Their horns don't work.

Q: What are the spots on black and white cows?
A: Holstains

Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of Amnesia

Q: What Is A Cows Favorite Type Of Math?
A: Moo-tiplication

Q: Have you ever heard the term "When Pigs Fly!"......
A: Well what if it were "When Cows Fly!"

Q: Where do cows go when they want a night out?
A: To the moo-vies!

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky

Q: What were the cows doing under the tree?
A: Talking about the latest moos.

Q: What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
A: Bull-dozin'

Q: What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
A: "It's just an udder day"

Q: How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
A: With a Cowculator

Q: Where do Russians get their milk?
A: From Mos-cows

Q: Did you hear about the snobby cow?
A: She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

Q: What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
A: Beef-flat

Q: What did the cow say to the turtle?
A: Get a moove on

Q: Why are cows so soft?
A: Because they are made out of leather.

Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii?
A: Moo- moos

Q: How does one cow talk to another?
A: Cow-munication.

Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
A: Decalfenated

Q: Did you hear about the cow that wasn't interested in bulls?
A: She was an Ho-Moo-Sexual.

Q: Where do cows get their weapons?
A: Ar-moooo-ries.

Q: Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
A: Because her horn didn't work

Q: Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?
A: They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!

Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A: A MILK DUD!

Q: What did the cow say when a person played the piano?
A: That's good moooooosic.

Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A: An udder failure.

Q: What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
A: Ground Beef

Q: Where do cows get together?
A: The meet market.

Q: What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A: a lawn moo-er.

Q: What do you call a cow with full armor?
A: Sir loin

Q: What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A: A steak-out!

Q: What do you call a cow with no front legs?
A: Lean Beef

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef

Q: What band is a cow favorite?
A: Moody Blues

Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?
A: Moo-dy

Q: Why did cow jump over the moon?
A: Because he wanted to skydive

Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
A: Because all of the cows have horns.

Q: Where do cows like to ride on trains?
A: In the cow-boose.

Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
A: Mooooney.

Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?

Q: How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
A: It's a place of udder delight.

Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow into pasture.

Q: Why is a barn so noisy?
A: All the cows have horns.

Q: What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?
A: Blue cheese!

Q: What did the secret agent cow say to the other cow?
A: Are you udder cover?

Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He's got no beef.

Q: What animals do you bring to bed?
A: Your calves.

Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody's herd.

Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a lawnmower?
A: A lawnmooer.

Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!

Q: Why don't you tell a cow a secret?
A: Because it goes in one ear and out the udder!

Q: What does an invisible man drink?
A: Evaporated milk!

Why does the cow bring toilet paper to the party?
Because he is a party pooper.

Q: What newspaper do cows read?
A: The Daily Moos.

Q: What do you find a gallery of cows?
A: The mooseum.

Q: What do you call I half a cow?
A: a calf.

Q: What was the first animal in space?
A: The cow that jumped over the moon!

Q: What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A: A steak out.

Q: What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
A: It Cowlapses!

Q: What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A: A car only has one horn.

Q: What do you get when you give pasta to a cow?
A: Beefaroni.

Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Mooooooove over!

Q: What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A: A cow walking backwards!

Q: What do you call an arab next to a cow?
A: Milk Sheikh!

Q: Where does a cow stay when it is on vacation?
A: A moo-tel!

Q: Why was the cow sad?
A: She was moody.

Q: What do cows read in the mornings?
A: The moospaper.

Q: What did the farmer say to the cow?
A: Produce some milk

What did Gladdis the cow say to Brenda the cow when her boyfriend the Bull cheated on her?
How Dairy!

Why do cows have long faces?
Because you would have a long face too, if your tits were gettin pulled twice a day

Are you the head of your gang when it rains because you keep each udder dry

A husband and wife cows are mad at each other so the husband says to his wife, "You udder hear me out"

If you didn't like that cow joke don't worry, I've got udders.

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