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Cow Jokes


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Cow Bar Jokes

Riding The Train

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.

"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

Emergency Room

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Thats when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?", asked the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Two Cows in a field

Two cows were out in a field eating grass.
One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!"
"Hey", the other cow replies.... "I was just about to say the same thing!"

Cow Riddle

My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course.
She's been grazing in the field too long,...
And now she thinks she's a horse.

Cow Short Jokes

Q: Why don't cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry

Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.

Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
A: The farmer had cold hands.

Q: What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A: Beef strokiní off.

Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.

Q: What do you call a cow you can't see?
A: Camooflauged.

Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
A: Because the cow has the utter.

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: Give a cow a pogo stick.

Q: What is a cow's favorite lunch meat?
A: Bullogna

Q: "Where did the cows go last night"?
A: "To the mooon"

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.

Q: Where do cows go for lunch?
A: The calf-eteria.

Q: What do you call animal drinking with Justin Timberlake?
A: TEA COW!

Q: Which job is a cow most suited for?
A: Baker. Because they're making cow pies regularly.

Q: How does a cow get to the mooooon?
A: It flies through udder space!

Q: What happens when you talk to a cow?
A: It goes in one ear and out the udder!

Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.

Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow?
A: Peanut butter.

Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and Quackers!

Q: What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence
A: Udder-Catastrophe

Q: Where do you find the most cows?
A: Moo-York

Q: What do cows get when they are sick?
A: Hay Fever

Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder.

Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Their horns don't work.

Q: What are the spots on black and white cows?
A: Holstains

Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of Amnesia

Q: Have you ever heard the term "When Pigs Fly!"......
A: Well what if it were "When Cows Fly!"

Q: Where do cows go when they want a night out?
A: To the moo-vies!

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky

Q: What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
A: Bull-dozin'

Q: What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
A: "It's just an udder day"

Q: How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
A: With a Cowculator

Q: Where do Russians get their milk?
A: From Mos-cows

Q: Did you hear about the snobby cow?
A: She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

Q: What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
A: Beef-flat

Q: Why are cows so soft?
A: Because they are made out of leather.

Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii?
A: Moo- moos

Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
A: Decalfenated

Q: Did you hear about the cow that wasn't interested in bulls?
A: She was an Ho-Moo-Sexual.

Q: Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
A: Because her horn didn't work

Q: Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?
A: They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!

Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A: A MILK DUD!

Q: What did the cow say when a person played the piano?
A: That's good moooooosic.

Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A: An udder failure.

Q: What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
A: Ground Beef

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bull-dozer.

Q: What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A: a lawn moo-er.

Q: What do you call a cow with no front legs?
A: Lean Beef

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef

Q: What band is a cow favorite?
A: Moody Blues

Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?
A: Moo-dy

Q: Where do cows like to ride on trains?
A: In the cow-boose.

Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
A: Mooney.

Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?

Q: How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
A: It's a place of udder delight.

Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow into pasture.

Q: Why is a barn so noisy?
A: All the cows have horns.

Q: What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?
A: Blue cheese!

Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He's got no beef.

Q: What animals do you bring to bed?
A: Your calves.

Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody's herd.

Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a lawnmower?
A: A lawnmooer.

Q: What does an invisible man drink?
A: Evaporated milk!

Why does the cow bring toilet paper to the party?
Because he is a party pooper.

Q: What newspaper do cows read?
A: The Daily Moos.

Q: What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A: A steak out.

Q: What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
A: It Cowlapses!

Q: What do you call an arab next to a cow?
A: Milk Sheikh!

Q: What did the farmer say to the cow?
A: Produce some milk

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