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Cat Jokes


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Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning herself?
A. She’s smoking a cigarette.

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
A: A terrified postman!

Q: What do you call a pile of kittens
A: a meowntain

Q: When is a lion not a lion?
A: When he turns into his cage!

Q: Why don't cats like online shopping?
A: They prefer a cat-alogue.

Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: I'm paw!

Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had a litter of mittens.

Q: What do you call a lioin who has eaten your mother's sister?
A: An aunt-eater!

Q: What do you call a cat in a station wagon?
A: A car-pet

Q: What do tigers wear in bed?
A: Stripey pyjamas!

Q: What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
A: The purrpatrator.

Q: Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?
A: Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!

Q: What is cleverer than a talking cat?
A: A spelling bee!

Q: What is the most breathless thing on television?
A: The Pink Panter Show!

Q: What is a cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrple!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?
A: A stripey jumper!

Q: What do you get if you cross a chick with an alley cat?
A: A peeping tom.

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
A: A sourpuss!

Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
A: They both wear stripes!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A: A stripey sweater!

Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas?
A: Because he has sandy claws!

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
A: Frostbite!

Q: What is a French cat's favorite pudding?
A: Chocolate mousse!

Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half!

Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
A: 'Claws.'

Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
A: A stri-ped!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A: A stripey sweater!

Q: What do you call a cat that wears make up?
A: Glamourpuss.

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
A: Frostbite!

Q: What do you call a cat who just ate a duck?
A: a duck-filled platy puss.

Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

Q: What is lion's favorite food?
A: Baked beings!

Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
A: He felt funny!

Q: What's striped and bouncy?
A: A tiger on a pogo stick!

Q: What is the cat's favorite TV show?
A: The evening mews!

Q: How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
A: Smack a lion!

Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxi cabs!

Q: How is cat food sold?
A: Usually purr can!

Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A: A tiger moth!

Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
A: 'Let us prey.'

Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
A: A catastrophe!

Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China?
A: Chairman Miaow!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
A: A cat-a-logue!

Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
A: An octopuss!

Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

Q: When the cat's away.....?
A: The house smells better!

Q: What's a cat's favorite button on the tv remote?
A: Paws

Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?
A: A meowtain!

Q: What do cats like to eat on sunny days?
A: Mice cream cones!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas?
A: Santa Claws!

Q: Why was the cat so small?
A: Because it only ate condensed milk!

Q: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off!

Teacher asked, Why is your cat with u in school?
Kid says (crying), "I heard daddy tell mommy, I'm eating that p*ssy when the kids leave!"

My kitten was having trouble watching her Blu-Ray. Turns out she just had the movie on paws.

Since my cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him GranPAW.

Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cat sitting next to him.
"Are you a cat?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The cat replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Front Seat
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a Siberian Lynx in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that Siberian Lynx?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the cat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that cat to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

 

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