Back to: Animal Jokes
Q: How do you catch a fish without a fishing pole?
A: With your BEAR hands.
Q: Why do polar bears like bald men?
A: Because they have a great, white, bear place!
Q: What do you call a bears without ears?
Q: What is a bear's favorite drink?
Q: What do you call a wet bear?
A: A drizzly bear
Q: How do you propose to a koala?
A: BEAR your heart and soul.
Q: Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
A: He would only do the BEAR minimum.
Q: What do polar bears have for lunch?
A: Ice burger!
Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
A: It lives on ice!
Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear!
Q: What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Q: Why didn't the baby leave his momma?
A: Because he couldn't bear it!
Q: Why was the little bear so spoiled?
A: Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they’re in black and white.
Q: How did the panda who lose his dinner?
A: He was "Bamboozled"!
Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!
Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!
Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A: A bear faced lyre!
Q: Did you hear about the man who tried to feed a bear an Apple?
A: It didn't bear fruit.
Q: What did the teddy bear say after dinner?
A: I'm stuffed.
Q: Why do bears have fur coats?
A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!
Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!
Q: What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
A: Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin!
Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
A: Winnie the PU!
Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh
Q: What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts!
Q: What was Yogi bear looking for in the picnic basket?
A: Just the "Bear" necessities.
Q: Why did the bear get so scared?
A: Because he looked in the mirror
Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
A: A polo bear!
I invited a teddy bear round for dinner yesterday. I offered him some food but he said no thanks I'm stuffed
Two guys are walking thru the woods when they see a charging Grizzly Bear.
First guy says "Run for it!"
Second guy says, "You can't outrun a Grizzly!"
First guy says "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun YOU."
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a bear walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the bear's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the bear. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet bear walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my bear."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the bear falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a bear."
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him.
"Are you a bear?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The bear replied, "Well, I liked the book."
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a baby bear in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that bear?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the bear again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that bear to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
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