Ape Jokes


Q: Why did the ape fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.

Q: Why don't the apes in the jungle play poker any more?
A: There are just too many Cheetahs.

What do you call an exploding ape?
A baboom.

Do Apes kiss?
Yes, but never on the first date!

What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris?
Ape Suzettes!

How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar?
She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'

How do you make an Ape float?
Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla!

How does a Gorilla become another animal?
When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodyguard and the big Ape goes to the cops and turns into a stool pigeon!

How do you make an Ape laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale!

What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper?
Listen baby, I think I'm falling for you!

What did the great Ape shout to the pilots who tried to shoot him off the skyscraper?
Listen, hotshots, don't monkey around with me!

If you put 30 female Apes and 30 male Apes in a bedroom, what do you have?
A very large bedroom.

If you throw a great Ape into one of the Great Lakes, what will it become?
Wet!

Q: What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
A: A ape with a machine gun.

Q: Why are apes so noisy?
A: They were raised in a zoo!

How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper?
The elevator was broken!

What do you call an ape with a hat and wand?
Hairy potter.

Q: What do baby apes sleep in?
A: Ape-ricots!

Q: What's the first thing an ape learns in school?
A: The ape b c's!

Q: When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A: During ape-ril showers.

Q: Which sea will make you go ape?
A: The chimpan-sea!

Q: What is a ape's favorite cookie?
A: Chocolate chimp!

What does a Ape attorney study?
The Law of the jungle!

What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl?
I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me!

What happened when the Ape won the door prize?
He didn't take it - he already had a door!

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?
You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes?
A banana split!

When did the Apes start to picket the cookie factory?
The day they started to manufacture animal crackers!

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree, where did the Ape hiding in the uppermost branches land?
Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Which author do the Gorillas love most?
Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'

Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush?
The Naked Ape!

Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed by an Ape jumping off a tall building?
Fall-adelphia!

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?
An ape-ricot sour!

Which technique does a Ape borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?
The bear hug!

Who is the Apes favourite President of recent years?
Hairy Truman!

Why couldn't the Ape pitcher make it in the major leagues?
His balk was worse than his bite!

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?
Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent?
The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite!

Why did the Gorilla fail English?
He had little Ape-titude!

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?
It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Q: Why do apes have big nostrils?
A: They have big fingers.

Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!

Q: What's a monkey's favourite type of computer?
A: an Ape-le mac!

Q: What's a monkey's favourite fruit?
A: An ape-le!

Q: What do apes do when they're mad at each other?
A: They have a Gorilla war!

Q: Why did the ape go to the doctor?
A: Because his banana wasn't peeling very well!

Q: What do monkeys read?
A: The 'apers

Q: What's an apes favourite drink?
A: A sas-gorilla.

Q: What do monkeys wear when they are cooking?
A: Ape-rons!

Q: How do apes get down the stairs?
A: They slide down the banana-ster!

Q: What do apes do when they go mad?
A: Go bananas!

Q: Where do chimpanzees keep their babies?
A: In apricots!

Q: What do you call a ape playing quidditch?
A: A hairy potter!!

Q: What's a ape's favourite pop group?
A: Bananarama!

Q: What is a ape's favourite toy?
A: A Bab-boom-orang!

Q: What do you call six green apes?
A: A bunch of gr-apes!

Q: What sort of key does a ape need to open a banana?
A: A monk-key!

Q: What did the monkey say to the other monkey that went mad?
A: You've gone completely ape!

Q: Where do apes like to get their hair cut?
A: Vidal Baboon!

Q: Why do apes tell such bad stories?
A: Because they have no tales!

Q: What did the banana say to the ape?
A: Nothing, bananas don't talk!

How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put an ape in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the ape because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.

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