Cocaine Jokes

Q: What games to cocaine enthusiasts play?
A1: Cocaine Pong, its the same as Beer Pong but you simply empty out the beer and replace them with grams of raw cocaine. Start playing and enjoy!
A2: Hundred Dollar Bills, the game is similar to the drinking game quarters but you crumple up a hundred dollar bill and try to bounce it into a cup. If you win you use the 100 dollar bill to snort the cocaine!
A3: Snort, you simply watch your favorite tv sitcom, whenever they say the "special" word you snort cocaine!

Q: What's black on the outside and white on the inside?
A: Whitney Houston's nose! "

Q: What does a drug addict dream about on Christmas Eve?
A: Building a snowman using only cocaine.

Q: Did you hear about the duck with a drug problem?
A: He was a quackhead.

Q: What happened to the guy who accidentilly mixed Rogaine into his cocaine?
A: He's in the Guiness Book of World Records for the world's longest nostril hair!

Q: What do you call a person addicted to both cocaine and marijuana?
A: A Crack-Pot

Q: Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
A: She thought it was diet coke.

Q: What do republicans think it's alright to do cocaine?
A: Cocaine is God's way of saying you earn far too much money!

Q: If cocaine were legal, what would the little packages be called?
A: Sweet N' High?

Q: What do you call a dictionary snorting crack?
A: addictionary.

Q: Who makes more money a cocaine dealer or a prostitute?
A: A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!

Q: What do you call a childrens book about a chickenhead?
A: "Little Crack-House on the Prairie"

Q: Amy Winehouse's health is at risk due to her crack problem.
A: Her doctors say that if she doesn't wash it soon, she'll get gangrene.

Q: Why do rich kids have shiny white teeth?
A: Cause they brush with coke.

Q: What mobile game do coke addicts play?
A: Nose Candy Crush.

Q: Why did Ann Coulter have to be rushed to the emergency room after doing cocaine?
A: Apparently she walked naked past a mirror and saw her penis!

Q: What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer , and a prostitute?
A: A sidewalks crack doesn't leave an odor!

Q: What do you get when a drug addict bends over?
A: His Buttcrack

Q: What do people snort when they are trying to lose weight?
A: Diet Coke.

Q: What will Amy Winehouse do with her 5 grammy awards?
A: Sell them on Ebay to buy cocaine!

Q: What film is getting its lead actress Lindsay Lohan a lot of Oscar buzz?
A: Coke Whore!

Q: What can tourists do on a $65 tour of gang turf in Los Angeles?
A: Purchase a postcard, t-shirt, and some crack cocaine!

Q: What happened after the government released a survey finding that most US currency is laced with cocaine?
A: The street value of a dollar bill jumped to $1.14!

Q: How do you know that a Mexican drug cartel has purchased your favorite cereal companies?
A1: Sonny, the Cuckoo bird for Cocoa Puffs was arrested for carrying a kg of cocaine!
A2: The Trix rabbit was found dead after an apparent ecstasy overdose!
A3: They use Tony the Tiger to promote an adult cocaine infused version of "Frosted Flakes"
A4: They change the slogan for Rice Krispies to "Snack on crack and pot...Rice Krispies!"

Q: What did a team of doctors say when Nicole Richie complained about her inability to gain weight while she was pregnant?
A: Doctors concluded that she should eat foods rather than cocaine and vodka!

Q: What happened after the Mexican government eliminated jail time for drug possession?
A: For the first time in history Mexico is worried about illegal immigration from the US!

Q: What can you infer after watching a Billy Mays infomercial?
A: He would one day die of a cocaine overdose!

Q: If legalizing pot in the USA can bring in billions in dollars in taxes, what can legalizing cocaine do?
A: Bring back the Bee-Gees and clothing from the 70's!

Q: Why was Tila Tequila caught stalking a beautiful woman?
A: The beautiful woman reminded Tila of her ex and the vial of crack cocaine she stole!

Q: What did George W Bush say after hearing Barack Obama admitted to using cocaine in high school?
A: "High school? I can't believe he waited that long."

Q: What are the first five words a crackhead in a three piece tailored suit hears?
A: "Will the defendant please rise"

Q: What do ducks like to smoke?
A: Quack Cocaine

Q: What's worth more than a black market kidney or liver?
A: Kate Moss' nose hairs!

Q: How did the WTA know that Martina Hingis was using cocaine?
A: She tried to snort the service line!

Q: What did Courtney love say after losing 45 pounds in 4 months?
A: Cocaine is yummy!

One Liners

It is absolutely insane to allow cocaine-addicted fiends on Wall Street to control the U.S. economy.

How is Columbia not a super power yet? They produce cocaine and coffee.

What if Instagram instantly gave you a gram?

Is your dad a drug dealer because you are totally dope.

Falling in love actually triggers the same response in the brain as cocaine, meth and ecstasy.

79% of U.S. paper money is contaminated with traces of cocaine.

It's not peer pressure, it's just your turn.

Chuck Norris once snorted a kilo of cocaine; it had no effect.

My drug dealer...cracks me up.

Snow White and The 7 Dwarfs" was actually based on cocaine. The 7 dwarfs were each side effects from the drug.

In the 1930's, heroin and cocaine were actual prescribed medicines.

I hate cocaine dealers. Always sticking their business into other people's noses.

I snorted enough cocaine last night to send Pablo Escobar's grandchildren to Harvard.

Samuel L. Jackson has actually overdosed on heroin on multiple occasions, and switched to cocaine.

Tobacco kills more people in the United States every year than alcohol, cocaine, heroin, homicide, suicide, car accidents, fire and AIDS combined.

O and o
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking crack and appeared in court before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and pursued them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:
O o and told
them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle)is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs  forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them,
"This is your asshole before prison...."

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