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Toronto Maple Leafs Jokes


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Q: What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice!

Q: What’s the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

Q: Why do Maple Leafs fans drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Detroit!

Q: Why did the Maple Leafs enforcer retire early?
A: He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni!

Q: Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea?
A: Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.

Q: What do you call 5 Toronto Maple Leafs players standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Why are the Maple Leafs like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.

Q: What does a recent high school dropout and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common?
A: They’re both young, have no goals and no good prospects.

Q: What’s the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Leaf tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Leaf tickets.

Q: What’s the difference between a fat chick and the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!

Q: Why do the Maple Leafs suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.

Q: What is it called when a Toronto Maple Leafs player blows in another Maple Leafs players ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: What do college students and the Maple Leafs have in common?
A: They’ve both finished their year by April.

Q: What's blue and orange and goes down the toilet faster than Liquid Plumber?
A: The Toronto Maple Leafs

Q: What do a fine wine and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.

Q: Why is the Hockey Hall Of Fame in Toronto?
A: It's the only way Leafs fans can get to see the Stanley Cup!

Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Maple Leafs players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Maple Leafs fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

Q: What do you get when you combine all 23 Toronto Maple Leafs with 23 lesbians?
A: Fourty-Six people that dont do dick!

Q: What is the difference between a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!

Q: What song do Toronto Maple Leafs fans sing before the end of the third period?
A: Nobody knows. There's never any of them left.

Q: Whats the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

Q: Why did the little boy take his hockey stick up into a tree?
A: He wanted to play with the Maple Leafs.

Q: What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Maple Leafs fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: Did you hear the Toronto Maple Leafs are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

Q: What do I have in common with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Stanley Cup Finals on television.

Q: What do Toronto Maple Leafs fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 23 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Finals?
A: The Toronto Maple Leafs.

Q: How can you tell if a Maple Leafs fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

Q: What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 15,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Toronto Maple Leafs fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Maple Leafs forward, a Maple Leafs center, and a Maple Leafs defender, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Toronto Maple Leafs fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Toronto Maple Leafs hockey fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Toronto Maple Leafs fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Toronto Maple Leafs fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Toronto Maple Leafs fan do when his team has won the Stanley Cup?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many Toronto Maple Leafs fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What does a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Toronto Maple Leafs fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Maple Leafs spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Maple Leafs fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Flyers orange and black and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Air Canada Centre upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Windsor have a professional hockey team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one.

Q: Did you hear that Toronto's hockey team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: What's the difference between a Air Canada Centre hotdog, and a Wells Fargo Center hotdog?
A: You can buy a Wells Fargo Center hotdog in May!

Q: Why did BP hire the Toronto Maple Leafs to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Toronto Maple Leafs fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q: What is a Toronto Maple Leafs fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Philadelphia."

Q: How do you stop an Toronto Maple Leafs fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Philadelphia Orange and Black!

Q: What’s the difference between the Air Canada Centre and a red light district?
A: In a red light district, you pay $300 bucks and somebody scores.

Q: What’s the difference between the Toronto Raptors and the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: The Raptors shoot at a net.

Q: Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!

Reckless Driver
A Maple Leafs fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Flyers fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious hockey jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Flyers fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Flyers fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

Better at Sex
There were two men, one was a Maple Leafs fan and the other was a Flyers fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Maple Leafs fan and then the other night had sex with the Flyers fan. The next day the woman chose the Flyers fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Maple Leafs fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"

Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Toronto Maple Leafs.'

First Grade
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Maple Leafs fans, too.
Not really knowing what a Maple Leafs fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Maple Leafs fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Flyers fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Flyers fans, and I'm a Flyers fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Maple Leafs fan."

Skunk
"A skunk walk's into a bar and sees 3 guys in the corner wearing Maple Leaf jerseys.
He turns to the bartender and says "Ya'll think I stink."

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