Detroit Red Wings Jokes

Q: What do the Detroit Red Wings and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice!

Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Detroit Red Wings?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

Q: Why do Red Wings fans drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Montreal!

Q: Why did the Red Wings enforcer retire early?
A: He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni!

Q: What do you call 5 Detroit Red Wings players standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Why are the Red Wings like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.

Q: What does a recent high school dropout and the Detroit Red Wings have in common?
A: They're both young, have no goals and no good prospects.

Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Red Wings tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Red Wings tickets.

Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and the Red Wings?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!

Q: Why do the Red Wings suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.

Q: What is it called when a Detroit Red Wings player blows in another Red Wings players ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: What do college students and the Red Wings have in common?
A: They've both finished their year by April.

Q: What's blue and orange and goes down the toilet faster than Liquid Plumber?
A: The Detroit Red Wings

Q: What do a fine wine and the Detroit Red Wings have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.

Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Red Wings players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Red Wings fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

Q: What do you get when you combine all 23 Detroit Red Wings with 23 lesbians?
A: Fourty-Six people that dont do dick!

Q: What is the difference between a Detroit Red Wings fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!

Q: What song do Detroit Red Wings fans sing before the end of the third period?
A: Nobody knows. There's never any of them left.

Q: Whats the difference between the Detroit Red Wings and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

Q: What do the Detroit Red Wings and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Red Wings fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: Did you hear the Detroit Red Wings are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

Q: What do I have in common with the Detroit Red Wings?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Stanley Cup Finals on television.

Q: What do Detroit Red Wings fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How many Detroit Red Wings does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 23 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Finals?
A: The Detroit Red Wings.

Q: How can you tell if a Red Wings fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

Q: What do the Detroit Red Wings and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 15,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Detroit Red Wings fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Red Wings forward, a Red Wings center, and a Red Wings defender, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Detroit Red Wings fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Detroit Red Wings hockey fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Detroit Red Wings fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Detroit Red Wings fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Detroit Red Wings fan do when his team has won the Stanley Cup?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many Detroit Red Wings fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Detroit Red Wings fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Detroit Red Wings fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Red Wings spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Red Wings fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Avalanche burgundy and steel blue and he won't beat it for years!

Q. Why do Red Wings fly over Joe Louis Arena upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Grand Rapids have a professional hockey team?
A: Because then Detroit would want one.

Q: Did you hear that Detroit's hockey team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: Why did BP hire the Detroit Red Wings to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Detroit Red Wings fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q: What is a Detroit Red Wings fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Detroit."

Q: How do you stop an Detroit Red Wings fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Colorado Burgundy and Steel Blue!

Q: What's the difference between Joe Louis Arena and a red light district?
A: In a red light district, you pay $300 bucks and somebody scores.

Q: What's the difference between the Detroit Pistons and the Detroit Red Wings?
A: The Pistons shoot at a net.

Q: Why are the Detroit Red Wings like the United States Postal Service?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!

Q: Why are Detroit Red Wings jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Red Wings fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between the Detroit Red Wings and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more often and has more points.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Detroit Red Wings fans.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Red Wings jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Can a Red Wings player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a Red Wings jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

Why did the Detroit Red Wings fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Reckless Driver
A Red Wings fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Avalanche fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious hockey jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Avalanche fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Avalanche fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

Better at Sex
There were two men, one was a Red Wings fan and the other was a Avalanche fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Red Wings fan and then the other night had sex with the Avalanche fan. The next day the woman chose the Avalanche fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Red Wings fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"

Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Detroit Red Wings.'

First Grade
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Detroit Red Wings fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Red Wings fans, too.
Not really knowing what a Red Wings fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Red Wings fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Colorado Avalanche fan.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Avalanche fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Avalanche fans, and I'm a Avalanche fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Red Wings fan."

"A skunk walk's into a bar and sees 3 guys in the corner wearing Red Wing jerseys.
He turns to the bartender and says "Ya'll think I stink."

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