New York Yankees Jokes

Q: What is the difference between CC Sabathia and a professional bowler?
A: A professional bowler knows how to throw a strike.

Q: How can you tell when George Steinbrenner is lying?
A: His lips are moving!

Q: What baseball team does Pee Wee Herman like?
A: The Yankees.

Q: What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?
A: One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.

Q: Why are the New York Yankees starting pitchers like orphans?
A: Because they don't know where home is!

Q: Why did the Yankees pitcher go head hunting?
A: Cause' "Mama Said Tanaka You Out".

Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Yankees players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Yankees fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

Q: What's the difference between dirt and the New York Yankees?
A: Nothing...they both always get swept.

Q: What do you get when you combine all 40 New York Yankees with 40 lesbians?
A: Eighty people that dont do dick!

Q: What is the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!

Q: What song do New York Yankees fans sing before the bottom of the ninth inning?
A: Nobody knows. There's never any of them left.

Q: Whats the difference between the New York Yankees and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

Q: What do the New York Yankees and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What do the New York Yankees and lawn furniture have in common?
A: They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day!

Q: Did you hear the New York Yankees are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

Q: What do I have in common with the New York Yankees?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the World Series on television.

Q: What do New York Yankees fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How many New York Yankees does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 40 millionaires around a TV watching the World Series?
A: The New York Yankees.

Q: What yankee player holds up a shower curtain?

Q: How can you tell if a Yankees fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

Q: What do the New York Yankees and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 40,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an New York Yankees fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Yankees shortstop, a Yankees catcher, and a Yankees outfielder, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an New York Yankees fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three New York Yankees baseball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an New York Yankees fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the New York Yankees fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an New York Yankees fan do when his team has won the World Series?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many New York Yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a New York Yankees fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do New York Yankees fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Yankees spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Yankees fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Boston red and he won't beat it for years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Yankee Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Syracuse have a professional baseball team?
A: Because then New York City would want one.

Q: Did you hear that New York's baseball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog?
A: You can buy a Fenway Park hotdog in October!

Q: Why did BP hire the New York Yankees to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead New York Yankees fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q: What is a New York Yankees fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Boston."

Q: How do you stop an New York Yankees fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Boston Red Sox's!

Q: What do Yankees fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you make a Yankees fan laugh on Monday?
A: Tell him a joke on Friday!

Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, a rattlesnake, and a Yankees fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Yankees Fan.......Twice!

Q: What do you call a Yankees player with a World Series ring?
A: a thief.

Q: Why can't the New York Yankees use the internet?
A: Because they can't get 3 W's in a row.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the New York Yankees infielders have in common?
A: They both wear one glove for no apparent reason.

Q: What does the New York Yankees manager and Alex Trebek have in common?
A: Both of there jobs are in Jeopardy.

Q: Why is Halloween the New York Yankees favorite holiday?
A: It's the only thing in October they have to look forward to!

Q: Why do all the trees in the Northeast lean towards New York?
A: It's because the Yankees suck.

Q: What is the diference between a cactus and the Yankees dugout?
A: On a cactus the pricks are on the outside!

Did you hear that Yankee Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are New York Yankees fans.

Can a New York Yankees pitcher drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a Yankees jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Yankees jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Why did the New York Yankees fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Dear Yankees fans, rather than wasting money on a replica hat, just strap a large rubber dildo to your head. EVERYONE will know who you support.

After being suspended for using pine tar, baseball has a new pitch named after Yankee starter Miguel Pineda called the "Knucklehead."

Police in New York responded to a call of a vehicle break-in. The owner of the vehicle said he two tickets to a Yankees game on his dash and someone busted his window and left two more Yankees tickets.

Reckless Driver
A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

Better at Sex
There were two men, one was a Red Sox fan and the other was a Yankees fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Red Sox fan and then the other night had sex with the Yankees fan. The next day the woman chose the Yankees fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Red Sox fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"

Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Yankees.'

First Grade
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Boston Red Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Red Sox fans, too.
Not really knowing what a Red Sox fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Red Sox fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a New York Yankees fan.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Yankees fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, and I'm a Yankees fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Red Sox fan."

Father & Son
A father and son are outside Yankees Stadium, and the young son is asking his father to buy him a "Red Sox Suck" T-shirt. The father hesitates, but finally tells his son, "You can have the shirt if you promise never to say those words."

"That's right," says the T-shirt vendor, wanting to make the sale. "'Suck' isn't a very nice word."

"No," replies the father. "I meant the words 'Red Sox'."

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