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Boston Red Sox Jokes


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Q: What is the difference between Jon Lester and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
A: Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.

Q: Why is Boston's monster green?
A: Envy from Yankee wins.

Q: What are O.J.'s favorite baseball teams?
A: The Red Sox and the Dodgers.

Q: What's the difference between dirt and the Boston Red Sox?
A: Nothing...they both always get swept.

Q: What's the difference between the Boston Red Sox and the Boston Strangler?
A: One chokes only in October.

Q: Why are the Boston Red Sox starting pitchers like orphans?
A: Because they don't know where home is!

Q: Why did Fenway Park build seats over the Green Monster?
A: So Bucky Dent could find his home run balls.

Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Red Sox players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Red Sox fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

Q: What do you get when you combine all 40 Boston Red Sox with 40 lesbians?
A: Eighty people that dont do dick!

Q: What is the difference between a Boston Red Sox fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!

Q: What song do Boston Red Sox fans sing before the bottom of the ninth inning?
A: Nobody knows. There's never any of them left.

Q: Whats the difference between the Boston Red Sox and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

Q: Why does David Ortiz hate Steroids in baseball?
A: Because his drug of choice is gravy.

Q: What do the Boston Red Sox and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Red Sox fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What do the Boston Red Sox and lawn furniture have in common?
A: They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day!

Q: Did you hear the Boston Red Sox are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

Q: What do I have in common with the Boston Red Sox?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the World Series on television.

Q: What do Boston Red Sox fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How many Boston Red Sox does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 40 millionaires around a TV watching the World Series?
A: The Boston Red Sox.

Q: How can you tell if a Red Sox fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

Q: What do the Boston Red Sox and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 40,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: What is a Boston Red Sox fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New York."

Q: How do you stop an Boston Red Sox fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New York Pinstripes!

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Boston Red Sox fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Red Sox shortstop, a Red Sox catcher, and a Red Sox outfielder, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Boston Red Sox fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Boston Red Sox baseball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Boston Red Sox fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Boston Red Sox fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Boston Red Sox fan do when his team has won the World Series?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: Did you hear that Bostons's baseball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Boston Red Sox fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps donít burn out man!

Q: What does a Boston Red Sox fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: Theyíre both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Boston Red Sox fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Red Sox spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Red Sox fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Phillies red and white and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Turner Field upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Connecticut have a professional baseball team?
A: Because then Massachusetts would want one.

Q: What do you call a Boston Red Sox in the World Series?
A: An umpire.

Q: What's the difference between a Fenway Park hotdog, and a Yankee Stadium hotdog?
A: You can buy a Yankee Stadium hotdog in October!

Q: Why did BP hire the Boston Red Sox to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Boston Red Sox fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q: What do Red Sox fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you make a Red Sox fan laugh on Monday?
A: Tell him a joke on Friday!

Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, a rattlesnake, and a Red Sox fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Red Sox Fan.......Twice!

Q: What do you call a Red Sox player with a World Series ring?
A: a thief.

Q: Why can't the Boston Red Sox use the internet?
A: Because they canít get 3 Wís in a row.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Boston Red Sox infielders have in common?
A: They both wear one glove for no apparent reason.

Q: What does the Boston Red Sox manager and Alex Trebek have in common?
A: Both of there jobs are in Jeopardy.

Q: Why is Halloween the Boston Red Sox favorite holiday?
A: Itís the only thing in October they have to look forward to!

Q: Why do all the trees in the Northeast lean towards Boston?
A: Itís because the Red Sox suck.

Q: What is the diference between a cactus and the Red Sox dugout?
A: On a cactus the pricks are on the outside!

Dear Red Sox fans, rather than wasting money on a replica hat, just strap a large rubber dildo to your head. EVERYONE will know who you support.

Police in Boston responded to a call of a vehicle break-in. The owner of the vehicle said he two tickets to a Red Sox game on his dash and someone busted his window and left two more Red Sox tickets.

Reckless Driver
A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

Better at Sex
There were two men, one was a Red Sox fan and the other was a Yankees fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Red Sox fan and then the other night had sex with the Yankees fan. The next day the woman chose the Yankees fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Red Sox fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"

Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Yankees.'

First Grade
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Boston Red Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Red Sox fans, too.
Not really knowing what a Red Sox fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Red Sox fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a New York Yankees fan.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Yankees fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, and I'm a Yankees fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Red Sox fan."

Father & Son
A father and son are outside Fenway Park, and the young son is asking his father to buy him a "Yankees Suck" T-shirt. The father hesitates, but finally tells his son, "You can have the shirt if you promise never to say that word."

"That's right," says the T-shirt vendor, wanting to make the sale. "'Suck' isn't a very nice word."

"No," replies the father. "I meant the word 'Yankees'."


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