Basketball Jokes
Q: How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A: Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls.
Q: Why are basketball players messy eaters?
A: They're always dribbling.
Q: What did the march say to all the madness?
A: What's all that bracket
Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.
Q: Why did Ron Artest leave the game early?
A: He wanted to beat the crowd.
Q: How do you know when it's Lebron James' Birthday?
A: Everyone gets to leave work 12 minutes early.
Q: Why are frogs so good at basketball?
A: Because they always make jump shots.
Q: What did the triangle offense say to the ball?
A: Your pointless.
Q: What does a basketball player do when he loses his eyesight?
A: Become a referee.
Q: What do you call a fantasy show about basketball?
A: Hooper-natural.
Q: What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?
A: Swiss!!!
Q: How do you know you've found Lebron James' cell phone?
A: It vibrates and receives calls, but doesn't have a ring!
Q: What's the difference between the Miami Heat and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Detroit Pistons.
Q: Which are the best animals at basketball?
A: A score-pion.
Q: What do you call a monkey that wins back to back titles
A: A chimpion.
Q: Why can't you play basketball in the jungle?
A: Because there are too many cheetahs.
Q: Why is a referee like an angry chicken?
A: They both have foul mouths.
Q: Why is the basketball arena hot after the game?
A: Because all the fans have left.
Q: What do you call a basketball player that misses dunks?
A: Alley Whoops.
Q. Why couldn't the baby make a basket?
A. Because he was always dribbling.
Q: How do you keep an Milwaukee Bucks player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.
Q: Why was the basketball court wet?
A: Because people were dribbling on it!
Q: What does a basketball player say when he misses?
A: Shoot.
Q: What should you do if you find three Los Angeles Lakers basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What does an Miami Heat fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: Did you hear about the basketball team that doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
I play in the over-40 basketball league. We don't have jump balls. The ref just puts the ball on the floor and whoever can bend over and pick it up gets possession.
Basketball is America's favorite "running" sport. Number two is avoiding child support payments.
No, but they gave one to me anyway. - L.A. Lakers rookie Elden Campbell when asked if he earned a degree at Clemson University
If shaquille o'neal was a shad of blue he would be shaquille o'teal
Heat Fan
A Heat fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Deep Red and Orange jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Heat fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Heat fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Heat supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".
Andrew Bogut
Andrew Bogut walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Andrew "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Andrew . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's orange and deep red and goes on a prick? A Heat Jersey.
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