San Antonio Spurs Jokes
Q: What's the difference between the San Antonio Spurs and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the San Antonio Spurs and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Spurs fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How old is Tim Duncan?
A: Gregg Popovich told him to play his age and Tim Duncan died.
Q: How many San Antonio Spurs players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The San Antonio Spurs.
Q: How do you keep an San Antonio Spurs player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.
Q: What is a San Antonio Spurs fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Los Angeles."
Q: How do you stop an San Antonio Spurs fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Purple and Gold!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an San Antonio Spurs fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Spurs power forward, a Spurs point guard, and a Spurs center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an San Antonio Spurs fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What do the Spurs and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.
Q: Where do the Spurs get breakfast?
A: At Duncan Donuts.
Q: What should you do if you find three San Antonio Spurs basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an San Antonio Spurs fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the San Antonio Spurs fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an San Antonio Spurs fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What song do the San Antonio Spurs play after winning a home game?
A: Kawhi Me a River.
Q: How many San Antonio Spurs fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a San Antonio Spurs fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do San Antonio Spurs fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Spurs spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Spurs fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over AT&T Center upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Fort Worth have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then San Antonio would want one.
Q: Did you hear that San Antonio's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: Why are San Antonio Spurs jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Spurs fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the San Antonio Spurs and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Spurs.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are San Antonio Spurs fans.
Can a San Antonio Spurs player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a San Antonio Spurs jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Spurs jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the San Antonio Spurs fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Spurs laid tonight.
A San Antonio Spurs fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Spurs Fan
A Spurs fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Black and Silver jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Spurs fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Spurs fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Spurs supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".
Genie
A Spurs fan and a Lakers fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Spurs fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Spurs fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Spurs fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Lakers fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Lakers fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Spurs fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.
Manu Ginobili
Manu Ginobili walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Manu "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Manu . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's black and silver and goes on a prick? A Spurs Jersey.
Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 San Antonio Spurs fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 San Antonio Spurs fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 San Antonio Spurs fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the San Antonio Spurs fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!