Baseball Jokes

Q: Who's the most famous Los Angeles Dodger?
A: O.J. Simpson. 

Q: What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog?
A: You can buy a Yankee Stadium hotdog in October!

Q: What is the difference between Barry Zito and Bowling Icon Walter Ray Williams Jr?
A: Walter knows how to throw a strike.

Q: Yankees slugger Darryl Strawberry fouled a pitch off his foot and now has a crack in his big toe.
A: This is the first time that the name Strawberry and the word crack were used in the same sentence without it ending with his suspension.

Q: Why does Michael Jackson like baseball games?
A: Because he gets to see some balls.

You might be a redneck if you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are: "Play Ball"

Q: Why did the coach kick Cinderella off the baseball team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball.

Q: Well, at least the Cubs are trying.
A: They installed a new pitching machine the other day. Unfortunately it beat them 4-1.

Q: MLB is deciding whether or not to reinstate Pete Rose in the 2014 season.
A: When asked about it, Rose said, "I hope they do, cause I've got $50 riding on it."

Q: What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player?
A: Babe Root.

Q: Why are Dominicans great baseball players?
A: Because they already know how to hit, run, and steal!

Q: How many baseball players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They're too busy arguing the last call.

A man leaves home, takes three left turns, then is confronted by two masked men. Who are they?
The umpire and the catcher

Q: Why did the pastry chef hire a pitcher?
A: Because he knew how to handle the batter.

Q: Why is Mike Trout so perfect?
A: He's an Angel.

Q: Why did the cops go to the baseball game?
A: Because they heard someone was stealing a base.

Q: When does royalty watch baseball?
A: During knight games.

Q: Why can't you play baseball in the jungle?
A: Because there are too many cheetahs.

Q: Why is the baseball stadium hot after the game?
A: Because all the fans have left.

Q: What does a baseball player do when he loses his eyesight?
A: Become an umpire.

Q: What was the frog doing on the baseball field?
A: Catching flies.

Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and an umpire?
A: One steals watches and the other watches steals.

Q: Did you hear the baseball joke?
A: It will leave you in stitches.

Q: Why is it so hard to steal third base?
A: Because you have to go through a short stop.

Q: What did the glove say to the ball?
A: Catch ya later.

Q: Which are the best animals at baseball?
A: A score-pion.

Q: What do you call a monkey that wins the World Series?
A: A chimpion.

Q: Why did Dracula quit the baseball team?
A: They only let him be "BAT" boy!

Q: Who makes CAKE during a baseball game?
A: The Batter!

Q: What did the hand say to the baseball?
A: Your such a catch.

Q: Why are frogs great outfielders?
A: They never miss a fly.

Q: Why is an umpire like an angry chicken?
A: They both have foul mouths.

Q: Do you know what cupcakes and a baseball team have in common?
A: They both count on the batter!

Q: Why don't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is

What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves?
The fence!

Q: Why are Cubs fans bad lovers?
A: Not only do they come up short but they always finish early.

Q: How do you know if you have a female umpire?
A: She remembers the details of every single argument, and will also bring up arguments from previous games.

Reckless Driver
A White Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

Better at Sex
There were two men, one was a White Sox fan and the other was a Yankees fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the White Sox fan and then the other night had sex with the Yankees fan. The next day the woman chose the Yankees fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the White Sox fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"

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