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Detroit Jokes


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Q: What will happen if the City of Detroit loses another 25 percent of their population?
A: City Council will change the cities nickname from Motown to LessTown!

Detroit has filed for Chapter 9 Bankruptcy.
"Turn out the lights, the party's over."
Oh, wait, the lights are already out. Sorry.

Q. Why do ducks fly over Detroit upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Now that the Kevyn Orr has filed for Chapter 9 Bankruptcy he's now working on a 'plan B.'
Unfortunately, the B stands for "bake sale."

Q: What is the difference between a person from Detroit and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Detroit?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: How much snow and sleet fell in Detroit?
A: So much that hookers are exchanging sex for Ice Melt.

Q: How do you know that the Detroit's finances are a complete mess?
A: Al Qaeda is trying to find a way to take credit for it!

Q: Why did the Detroiter think he saw a ghost on Halloween?
A: A kid dressed up as a Pension Plan.

Q: What are Mcdonald's employees now asking customers in Detroit?
A: Can you afford fries with that?

Q: What is Dick Cheney's solution to Detroit's financial crisis?
A: Approving waterboarding for the City Council!

Q: How bad is the economy in Detroit?
A: Motor City Casino was turned into an Indian reservation!

Q: What new chapter is S&P forecasting for Detroit?
A: Chapter 9

Q: Why were Detroiters so angry with Charlie Sheens performance?
A: It wasn't even worth Two and a Half Dollars!

Bankruptcy may solve Detroit's debt problem but it won't fix its crime rate.

Q: How do you know that Detroit is getting desparate to help remove record snowfalls this winter?
A: They are willing to pay Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan by the ounce to help out with snow removal

Q: What are the only two seasons in Detroit?
A: Winter and Construction.

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and people from Detroit?
A: The bucket.

Q: What does a Detroiter call a couple hits from the crack pipe?
A: Lunch-Time!

Q: How do you answer the door in Detroit?
A: With a shot-gun

Q: What does a Detroiter have when he takes the wallet from a dead stranger?
A: His monthly income

Q: What do you call an arsonist in Detroit?
A: An urban renewal specialist

Q: What do you call a person with a job in Detroit?
A: White

Q: What does a Detroiter see who has a good view from his home?
A: Windsor.

Q: What do you call a Detroiter that has been beaten and shot yet is still alive?
A: Unlucky (He is still in Detroit)

Q: What's the difference between the Mayor of Detroit and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.

Q. What is a Detroit landlord's favorite game to play?
A: Monopoly

Q: How do people in Detroit vote?
A: Early and often!

Q: How do you casterate a person from Detroit?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three people from Detroit buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a person from Detroit and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the boy from Detroit die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What do people from Detroit and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do people from Detroit keep their driver's license on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do kids from Detroit spend the first week of the school year?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you know you are in Detroit?
A: When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage in the Detroit library?
A: Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What does the average student from Detroit get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Detroit?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: Why do people from Detroit have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Detroit?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q: What is the definition of a Detroit virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.

Q: What do tornadoes and people from Detroit have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What happens when you shut conservatives out of your governing body?
A: Detroit.

Q: What's the first thing an Detroit girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A: Walks home.

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Detroit?
A: No one would look for them.

Q: What's the advantage of being married to a person from Detroit?
A: You can park in handicapped zones.

Q: How do you know that Michael Jackson is not dead?
A: He's still registered to vote in Detroit!

50 yrs ago Detroit was the richest city in America.....today they're bankrupt. Are we seeing a pattern?

On July 18th, 2013 Detroit filed for Chapter 9 bankruptcy, later that day Governor Rick Snyder celebrated winning re-election after tens of thousands of Detroiters were kicked off the voter rolls.

Today, 60% of Detroit's children are living poverty, and 78,000 buildings in Detroit have been abandoned.

The Detroit economy is so bad, I threw out bread for the birds and the roofers came down for it.

Rick Snyder is now working with Emergency Manager Kevyn Orr to have Detroit renamed to "Default City"

Q: What is the difference between Rick Porcello and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
A: Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.

Q: Why is detroit trying to keep their new stadium a secret from the public?
A: They're afraid the Tigers will find out where it is and try to play there.

Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Tigers players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Detroit Tigers Jokes




Q: What's the difference between the Detroit Pistons and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Detroit Pistons and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Detroit Pistons.

Detroit Pistons Jokes




Q: How do the Lions count to 10?
A: 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10.

Q: Why did Matthew Stafford cross the road?
A: To get to the hospital on the other side!

Detroit Lions Jokes



Q: What do the Detroit Red Wings and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice!

Q: What’s the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Detroit Red Wings?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

Detroit Red Wings Jokes




Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does.
Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad.
Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class.
She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Detroit Lions.'

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