Movie Jokes
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
What did Mark Wahlberg feed Ted?
Nothing he was already stuffed.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will Let it go.
Did you hear that Clint Eastwood opened a preschool?
It's called "Go Ahead and Make My Day Care Center".
Why shouldn't you cyberbully creepy little white girls?
You might get "Unfriended".
Why should you really be sure before you see a movie with Lake Bell and Owen Wilson?
Because there is "No Escape".
How did Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
How did Will Smith steal $10 from millions of people?
All he had to do was "Focus".
Do you want to be Britt Robertson's man?
Don't take her to Tomorrowland just give her the "Longest Ride".
What do you get when you drop "Sixteen Candles" on your favorite actor?
John Bar-B-Cusack.
What if Lebron James quit basketball and became an actor?
It would be a "Trainwreck".
Why was Dewey Cox walking hard?
He got some Tenacious D.
What should you do if you see Russell Brand holding a guitar?
Get Him To The Greek.
One a scale of one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?
About nine and three quarters.
What does Drew Barrymore need to become a pop star?
Music and Lyrics.
Did you hear about the teacher who was fired for giving his students homework?
Apparently, it was called "Project X".
Why is Katie Holmes divorcing Tom Cruise?
Apparently he'd been in "A Few Good Men."
What do you call a gunslinger with glasses?
Squint Eastwood.
Why did Katie Holmes stop pretending to be in love and divorce Tom Cruise?
Because it was 'Mission: Impossible.
What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig?
A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one.
Michael J. Fox has a short one.
Madonna does not have one.
The Pope does not really use his.
And Justin Bieber always uses his. What is it?
A last name. Shame on you for thinking something else.
Why couldn't Dorothy tell the bad witch from the good witch?
Because she didn't know which witch was which!
Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?
To get to the Dark Side.
What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
Han So-high
Where does Superman park his privates?
On Lois Lane
What do you call it when Batman skips Church?
Christian Bale.
What was the movie "Superbad" originally about?
A heart-warming tale about Lindsay Lohan's driving record!
What does RIP stand for in district 11?
Rue Is Perfect.
When does a movie star celebrate her 5th wedding anniversary?
After she's been married 5 times.
Why did Bruce Willis pop a couple of viagras before fighting terrorists?
He thought it was "A Good Day To Die Hard".
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George?
2 Fast 2 Curious.
What is the difference between Slumdog Millionaire and Slimeball Billionaire
Slimeball Billionaire is a movie about Bernard Madoff.
Why shouldn't Tom Cruise remarry?
Because marriage is a Risky Business.
What do you call the Tom Cruise movie about cooking?
A Few Good Menus.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you call an Academy Award winning movie about a black gay activist?
Chocolate Milk.
Why is "There Will Be Blood" George W Bush's favorite movie?
Because it's about the heartless con man who's obsessed with finding oil.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie?
It's the one rated Arrrrrrrr.
What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?
A Transfarmer.
Do you remember when Billy Crystal took Meg Ryan out to dinner?
It's "When Harry Fed Sally".
Woody Allen is a great film maker. Do you know there is one movie that he really wished he actually have made?
"Father of the Bride".
When does Oliver Stone go to Dairy Queen?
Any Given Sundae.
Jack Black doesn't always make scary movies, but when he does it gives you "Goosebumps".
I don't need a little boy to tell me "Heaven Is For Real".
I'm no lifeguard but your baewatch me.
The best part of any person is always their Dark Side.
If Peeta were a ginger, would he be called the gingerbread man?
Thank you Stephanie Meyer for teaching young women they are only worth something when they're loved by a sparkling homosexual.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you don't like Star Wars, there's something wrong with you.
I don't want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
I won't watch a Nicolas Cage movie unless it's done in 60 seconds.
Harrison Ford is getting so old his next movie is going to be called "Indiana Bones and The Battle with Osteoporosis".
That awkward moment when you cut open a pineapple and look for Spongebob Squarepants.
Why does no one on iCarly have a dad?
If Donald Trump wins the election, I volunteer as tribute for the Hunger Games.
Is your dad Liam Neeson? Because I'm Taken with you.
I would like to appear on Celebrity Apprentice with Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I don't want to be "Terminated".
Miley was Hannah Montana when Bush was president. Thanks, Obama.
My girlfriend watched a couple of Kevin Hart movies and now she believes she can "Think Like A Man Too".
Hey are you Cinderella because I see that dress disappearing at midnight.
Is your name Ariel? Because I think we mermaid for each other!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
You Know!
You Know Who?
Exactly.
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