Martha Stewart To Do List:
Start marketing new "Martha Stewart Soap-on-a-Rope."
Cut deal with Bush administration in exchange for lucrative
post-war Iraqi catering contract.
Note to self: Next time, bury insider-trading memos in my
all-natural recycling compost heap.
Bake a seven-layer white-chocolate cake with framboise ganache.
Place file between layers. Freeze.
Start work on new book: Minimum Security With Maximum Flair.
Roll around in a huge friggin' pile of money one last time
before going off to jail.
Thwart prison rapists by sealing my vagina shut with a hot-glue