"How powerful a man do you have to be to shoot a man in the face and have that person say, 'My bad'?" --Jon Stewart, on Harry Whittington's apology to Cheney
"America remaining obsessed, fascinated, appalled, by what is being called 'Dick Cheney Shot A Guy In The Face-Gate.'" --Jon Stewart
"A mere five days after shooting a man in the face, Vice President Dick Cheney broke his silence about the incident by submitting to a no-holds-barred grilling at a public press conference. I'm just kidding. ... Actually, he sat down with Brit Hume on Fox News for not some much a grilling -- more of a teat suckle." --Jon Stewart
"Vice President Cheney continues his whirlwind 11-nation middle eastern tour designed to bring America's anti-terror message to the region. That message: Help us fight terror or ...Is that oil?" —Jon Stewart
"As Cheney told CNN, he has been 100 percent heart attack free since ascending to the vice presidency. He added, 'In fact, rather than giving me stress, being vice president has actually fueled my blackened soul, allowing me to gorge vampire-like on the bloody nectar of unlimited power.' I'm sorry that should have read 'I never felt better.'" —Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's insistence that he is the picture of health
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