"Dick Cheney gave an interview to Fox News. Some are accusing Fox of giving softball questions. My answer to that is, 'Well, does a vice president shoot in the woods?'" --David Letterman
"Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn't say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I'm thinking, well jeez, he was probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq." --David Letterman
"Dick Cheney and his buddies go down there hunting in Texas, and Dick Cheney guns down a guy. And they're hunting quail, and the quail disappeared. They vanished. And reports now that they're hiding in the mountainous area near Pakistan" --David Letterman
"This just in, earlier today, Dick and Lynne Cheney shot up a gas station." --David Letterman
"Happy Valentine's Day. Good news, good news today -- so far Dick Cheney has not shot anybody." --David Letterman
"Everybody is in the Valentine's mood. For example, earlier today Dick Cheney shot his buddy in the ass with an arrow." --David Letterman
"The real question now is, is this a one-time thing, or will the vice president try to kill again." --David Letterman
"If this story gets any bigger, pretty soon they're going to have to tell the president." --David Letterman
"It turns out now that Dick Cheney did not have a license to hunt, and coincidentally, turns out we didn't have a license to go into Iraq." --David Letterman
"Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney." --David Letterman, on Cheney's shooting accident
"But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor." --David Letterman
"We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." --David Letterman
"The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet." --David Letterman
"The former chef of the White House has written a tell-all book. For example, he says that Dick Cheney, Vice President, his favorite dish is a dish called Chicken Gitmo. It's chicken bound and gagged on a bed of rice." --David Letterman
"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?" —David Letterman
"Big news coming out of Washington, Dick Cheney will be running again for vice president. He says he is very healthy and that he has a doctor watching him 24 hours a day. This is a big improvement, it used to be a coroner." —David Letterman
"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney." —David Letterman
"The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission." —David Letterman
"Dick Cheney, I wouldn't give this guy's troubles to a monkey on a rock. He gets his electric bill. He doesn't live in the White House. He lives next door in the junior White House. He gets his electric bill and it is $186,000. I am telling you he should have gotten the solar-powered pacemaker. You would have a big electric bill if you had to use those electric paddles eight times a day. On top of all that Cheney has laryngitis. He can't talk. Of course, that's from yelling all day: 'Quick, my heart pills, quick!'" —David Letterman
"Dick Cheney, our vice president, he was on a program the other night talking about his health. And, you know, he's had half a dozen heart attacks and he's always going back in for, you know, tune-up work and that kind of thing. And he said now that he may in the future have to have another procedure. And I was thinking I, you know, I miss the old White House. I miss Clinton. You remember the procedures he was getting?" —David Letterman
"George W. celebrated his 100 days in office yesterday . So George invited Congress to a luncheon and only a third of them showed up. Seems, kind of rude, doesn't it? But to be fair — who wants to watch Dick Cheney have his soup intravenously?" —David Letterman
Joke Generators:
Click Here for a random Pick Up Line
Click Here for a random Yo Mama Joke
Click Here for a random Dirty Joke
Click Here for a random Ethnic Joke
Click Here for a random Blonde Joke
Click Here for a random Knock Knock Joke
Click Here for a Random Joke (all other categories)
Click Here to Bookmark Jokes4us.com 
