Tennis Jokes
Q: What do you serve but not eat?
A: A Tennis Ball.
Q: What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a tennis court?
A: Annette
Q: Why are fish never good tennis players?
A: They don't like getting close to the net.
Q: How many tennis players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "What do you mean it was out, it was in!"
Q: What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis?
A: Telling your parents that your gay!
Q: What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball?
A: "See you round.."
Q: Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?
A: To them, "Love" means nothing.
Q: Where do ghosts play tennis?
A: On a tennis corpse!
Q: What is the definition of endless love?
A: Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis
Q: Why is tennis a noisy game?
A: Because each player raises a racket.
Q: Why are spiders great tennis players?
A: Cause they have great topspin.
Q: What do you call a competitive tennis player who just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless
Q: What do a dentist and a tennis coach have in common?
A: They both use drills!
Q: What can you serve but not eat?
A: A tennis ball.
Q: What did the tennis ball say when it got hit?
A: Who's making all the racquet?
Q: What time does Andy Murray got to bed?
A: Tennish.
Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Q: Why do elephants wear green tennis shoes?
A: To hide in the tall, tall grass.
Q: What do you call a shitty tennis player?
A: Deuce
Q: Why is it not good to play tennis in a court?
A: Because you might get arrested
Q: Why is it good to stand on the service line?
A: Because you can order ice cream
Q: Why were Martina Navratilova's neighbors angry?
A: Because she made a big racquet.
Q. Why did the elephant float down the river on his back?
A: So he wouldn't get his tennis shoes wet.
Q: Why was the tennis court so loud?
A: Because all the players raised a racket.
Q: What do you call a blonde tennis player with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant
Q: So did you hear about the tennis ball and the battery that got into a fight?
A: The battery was charged and the tennis ball is waiting to go to court.
Q: What's a horse's favorite sport?
A: Stable Tennis.
Q: What kind of jokes does a tennis shoe tell?
A: Knot Knot jokes.
Q: How do you play quiet tennis?
A: Just like regular tennis but without the racket.
Q: Why can't fish play tennis?
A: Because they are afraid of the net.
My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.
John McEnroe gave me his broken tennis racket, no strings attached.
What's new, tennis shoe? Nothings better than hitting it with a winner.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tennessee!
Tennessee who?
Tennessee is played at Wimbledon!
Recreational Preferences
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
Two Hunters
Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.
One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of tennis shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!"
To this the hunter said, "I know, all I have to do is outrun you!"
Morning Jog
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the blonde sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."
Doctors Orders
A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor's orders, so he decides to play tennis.
After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine, " the manager says.
"When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, 'To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'"
"Really? What happens then?" the secretary asks.
"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? You must be kidding!"
Tennis Pick Up Lines
Excuse me miss, could you hold my balls while I get my huge racket out of my bag?
"If we were playing tennis, I'd let you score all the points so I'll always be in "Love"
Do you want to hit my balls with your "RACK"et.
If we went out, I think it would forever be Love-Love
Tennis anyone?
I definitely got the balls to be playing with you!