Cycling Jokes

Q: What do you get if you cross a bike and a flower?
A: Bicycle petals!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
A: Because it's too tired!

Q: What do you call a bicycle built by a chemist?
A: Bike-carbonate of soda!

Q: Why couldn't Cinderella win the bicycle race?
A: She has a pumpkin for a coach!

Q: What's the hardest thing about winning the Tour De France?
A: Telling your parents that your gay!

Q: What do you call a professional cyclist who just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: Do you know what is the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?
A: The pavement.

Q: What do you call an artist who sculpts with bicycle parts?
A: Cycleangelo

Q: Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles?
A: They tend to lose their balance.

Q: Did you hear about the lunatic who won the Tour De France in one day?
A: He took the psycho-path.

Q: What does a bicycle call its dad?
A: Pop-cycle

Q: What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
A: Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.

Q: How did the barber win the bike race?
A: He took a short cut.

Q: What does a cyclist ride in the winter?
A: An icicle.

Q: Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?
A: Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.

Q: "What do you call a crazy pavement?
A: A cycle path.

Q: Why can't you take a nap during the Tour de France?
A: Because if you snooze, you loose!

Q: What do you call a bicycle with a bed on top?
A: bedridden

Q: Why do bicycles fall asleep?
A: Because they're tired.

Q: What do you call a man who wants to ride a bicycle to the moon?
A: A luna-tic.

Q: When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
A: When it turns into a driveway.

Q: What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
A: One with no spooks in it.

Q: Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?
A: You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

Q: How do you know you've married a cycling addict?
A: You laundry has more bike jerseys than clothes.

A biker was riding down the street and on his back he had a note saying "if you can read this than my mrs has fallen off!!!!

A bicycle can�t stand on its own because it is two-tired..

Napoleon Dynamite and Pedro

A Napoleon Dynamite was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, Pedro, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The Napoleon was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

Pedro replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

Napoleon nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Tandem Riders
A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.
"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.
"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."
"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Look Mom
A boy was riding his bicycle and he sees his mom on the porch.
He releases the handle and yells to his mom "Look mom, no hands!"
His mom replies "Be careful, honey..."
Then he releases his legs from the pedals and says "Look mom, no legs!"
His mom replies more sternly "Be careful, honey..."
The little boy then abruptly falls to the dismay of his mom.
The boy slowly gets back up and says "Look mom, no teeth!"

Two Nuns
Two Nuns were riding a tandem along Acorn Street in Boston, Massachusetts.
The Nun on the back seat (the stoker) remarked "I've never come this way before"
The reply "Must be the cobble stones"

Old Lady
An old woman was discussing burial arrangements for her husband and she told the funeral director, I want my husband buried with his behind sticking up out of the ground.
The director asked her why and she said..."that's so, when I ride out to visit his site, I'll have a place to park my bicycle!

Dear God
"Dear God. If there is such a thing as reincarnation,
then please may I return as a ladies bicycle seat"

Bags of Sand
A man on a bike, carrying two sacks on his shoulders, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border.

"What's in the bags?" asked the guard.

"Sand," the cyclist replied.

"Get them off. We need to take a look."

The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border. A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags. The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand. This continued every week for six months, until one day the cyclist failed to appear. A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in the city.

"Hey, where have you been?" the guard asked. "You sure had us wondering! We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won't say a word. What was it?"

The man smiled and told him the truth. "Bicycles!"

Red Tarmac
A piece of Red tarmac walks into a bar and says to the black piece of tarmac I'm hard I'm hard get me a pint so the black piece of tarmac gets him a pint and the red piece of tarmac says again I'm hard I'm hard get me a pint and then a green piece of tarmac walks in and the red tarmac jumps under the table and the black tarmac says why you under the table the red tarmac says "I am but he is a cycle path."

Little Boy
A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked down an old lady.
She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself off, then turned to the little boy and said, 'Don't you know how to ride a bike?'
'Yes,' he answered, 'but I don't know how to ring the bell yet'

Your a Cycling Addict If

You hear someone had a crash and your first question is "How's the bike?"

You empathize with the roadkill.

Biker chick means black spandex, not leather, and a Marinoni, not a Harley.

You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

You use wax on your chain, but not on your car.

Your bike has more miles on it then your car's odometer.

You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bikes to fit.

A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.

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