Republican Jokes

Why should Creationism be taught in schools?
Because it leaves less time to teach Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer

What kind of celebration pays down the national debt?
A tea party.

What's the difference between God and a Conservative?
God knows He's not a Republican.

Why do most conservatives fail geometry?
Because they don't have any points.

Why are jokes about conservatives getting dumber and dumber?
Because Republicans have started to make them up themselves.

What do you call an idiot who spends their days mortified by aliens, Arabs and anthrax?
"A Fox News Viewer"

Why is trade with comunnist Cuba bad?
Because it lowers our trade potential with China and Vietnam

What do you call a Republican who wants insurance to cover Viagra but not birth control?

How do republicans keep their breath fresh?
With Entitle-mints.

What do Republicans and porn stars have in common?
They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.

If February is Black History Month and March is Women�s History Month, what are Republicans celebrating the rest of the year?

How do you fight the war on terror?
By belittling our long-time allies, then demanding their cooperation and money

Why is it bad when the Republicans control the House, the Senate, Supreme Court, the White House?
Because they only have themselves to blame

What does Anna Nicole Smith call Strom Thurmond?
The Bachelor

What does GOP stand for?
Grabs Our Pussy.

What's the difference between a car and a politician.
You get to test-drive a car.

If Ted Haggard isn't a George Bush Republican, what kind of republican is he?
A George Michael Republican!

Why weren't the Republicans behind the verdict in the Saddam Hussein Trial a couple of days before the 2006 Midterm Elections?
Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil!

What do the Republican primaries and the Duggars have in common?
They both have 19 kids and counting.

What do you get when you offer a member of the Tea Party a penny for his thoughts?

When is it okay for Republicans to engage in group sex and drug use?
After they decide to run for Governor of California

What do you call it, when 10 GOP presidential candidates give their speeches and promises all at the same time?
Answer: Mass-debating!

How do you confuse a Conservative?
You don't. They're born that way.

How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?
By renaming it Trump University.

What is the difference between a Republican ass-kisser and a brown-noser?
Depth perception.

How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency?
At least two!

Why won't Barack Obama be celebrating his 51st birthday?
Republicans won't let Democrats raise taxes on the rich let alone Barack Obama's age!

What's the Republican's secret Weapon for the 2006 Mid-term Elections?
John Kerry! ...(he insulted the troops)
What the difference between a Conservative and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.

Why did Elizabeth Dole consider running for the Senate?
To get away from Bob and his little blue pills!

What does Trumps hair and a thong have in common?
They both barely cover the asshole.

What did Bob Dole say after appearing in a Pepsi commercial with Britney Spears?
If this won't cure erectile dysfunction....nothing will

Why are gay Saudis a big dilemma for Republicans?
Because their gays with oil

What do you call a basement full of Conservatives?
A whine cellar.

What's worse than Bill Clinton calling you a womanizer?
Marc Foley calling you a pervert!

Is lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die an impeachable offense?
Nooooo!!!!.....But lying about an extramarital affair is!

Q: When was Saddamm a good guy?
A1: When Reagan armed him!
A2. After George Sr went to war with him
A3. While Cheney was doing business with him
A4: When Dubya needed a "We can't find Bin Laden" diversion

What does "Standing Tall for America" mean?
Firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

There is a Red House on the right and blue house on the left where is the White House?
in Washington DC

How does a Democrat get killed in Texas?
When driving around in a car with a bumper sticker saying "I voted for Obama, I'm gay, and I'm here to take your guns."

If pro is the opposite of con then is progress the opposite of congress?

We all know that liberal college students have "safety zones" on campus to protect them. Conservatives have a safety zone, too. It's called America.

God made adam and eve not adam and steve.

P.O.L.I.T.I.C.S. = Purely Outright Lies Intended To Infect Common Sense.

Three things happened today.
1. My friend started wearing a MAGA hat.
2. He got hit by a bus.
3. I lost my bus driver's license.

Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?
Their placard read: 'We love Taxes'.

"The man who can befriend someone who does not like him, is either a politician, and thus cannot be trusted, or a fool, and thus should not be a politician."

A Republican died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Republican?
Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
A Conservative found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter".
So the genie made him a Liberal.

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