Dirty Pick Up Lines

My dick just died, can I bury it in your vagina?

Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!

Hi, i'm a burgular... and I'm gonna smash your back door in!

You can call me "The Fireman"....mainly because I turn the hoes on!

I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.

I'm a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?

"Wanna go on an ate with me? I'll give you the D later."

I heard you got a boyfriend,
but girl don't try & pretend,
like you don't want this dick all the way in.

I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.

Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a weiner stand.

Hello, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual

Hey do you have an inhaler? Cause I heard you got that ass ma!

I'm going to have sex with you later, so you might as well be there!

They're called "eyebrows" cus my eyes are browsin your fine ass

Babe, are you an elevator? Because i want to go down on you.

Roses or daises? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

"If you were a washing machine, I would put my dirty load inside you."

I heard your grades are bad.....I'm sure this D won't hurt.

Is your name Tanya? Cuz I'm gonna tan ya ass.

You run track?, cause I heard you relay want this dick.

Are you a racehorse? Cause when I ride you'll always finish first.

Are u a flight attendant? Coz u gonna be plane wth this dick soon.

The last woman I was with said, "Kiss me where it stinks." So, I drove her to New Jersey.

I heard you like Magic, well bend over and watch my dick disappear

Your so hot I'd jack your dad off just to see where you came from.

I blame your perfect breasts for my inability to focus during our conversations.

Can I park my car in your garage? It's pretty big, but it doesn't leak.

Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.

Well spread my cheeks and call me �cell bitch;' you're prettier than anyone I ever met in the joint!

Do you like to draw? (yeah why?) Cause I put the D in Raw

Has any one ever told you your ass looks like a phone cause I want to hit the pound button all day long.

I have a tongue like an anteater; want to go to the zoo?

What do you call a penguin with a large penis? An icebreaker.

I know you haven't been studying, You must want the "D"

Baby your bone structure is giving my "bone" structure.

Hey people call me the bar stool because of my third leg

Do you like tapes and CDs? (I guess) Good, 'cause Imma tape this dick to your forehead so you CDs nuts

Are you going to that funeral? (What Funeral) The one where MY BALLZ drop dead in your mouth

I'm not a dick in real life, but I'll play one in your vagina tonight!

Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?

Do you want to come to my time machine? We stop somewhere between '68 and '70

Oh my god girl, look at how those legs go up and make an ass out of themselves.

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

Does your pussy smell like fish because I like sushi

Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.

Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap THAT ass!

I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.

I'm not skinny, I'm ribbed for your her pleasure

Your beauty is why God invented eye balls, your booty is why God invented my balls.

I'd hide every chair in the world just so you'd have to sit on my face.

Are you a raisin? cuz your a raisin my dick.

I would tell you a joke about my penis....buts its too long ;)

I forgot my blow job at your house, can i come over and get it?

My magical watch says you're not wearing any panties...oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast...

"I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?"

I'm a Gemini. What's your sign.... Fire Down Below?

If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?

Do you like Imagine Dragons? Well Imagine Dragon my balls across your face.

What if I start this relationship with you as a frien. Will you allow me to give you the 'D' later?

This Dick a rental car company.....It Hertz

We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.

They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.

How about later tonight, you let me slip into something a little more comfortable... Like your vagina.

You know what cums after C....The D!

I'm going to make you breakfast...Omellete you suck this dick.

I've got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?

Hey, have you met my friend Dick? He is real tall.

I like my women, like I like my ice cream, fat free and dripping down my fingers

Girl, your eyes are bluer than Heisenberg's crystal!

You can touch mine if I can touch yours with mine.

I lost my pants, do you mind if I wrap your legs around me instead?

Do you like Alphabet soup...Cause you gonna be choking on the D

Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, Slippery When Wet, Dangerous Curves ahead, Yield?

I'm no rooster, but watch what this cock-a-do-to-you

Do you have pet insurance? No?.... Cause I'm going destroy your pussy.

Do you like cherries? If not can I have yours?

I'd treat you like a snow storm. Give you six to eight inches and make it mildly inconvenient for you to move in the morning.

Do you like Kids?, cause I'm about to make your mouth a daycare

If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put my dick in your ass!

I would call Heaven and tell them an angel was missing, but I'm kinda hoping you're a slut!

Roses are red, violets are blue, we're having sex, cause I'm stronger than you

I hope you have a sewing machine, cause im gonna tear dat ass up

Are you an architect?, cause I want you on staff for my next erection.

My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?

Hey baby, I'm kind of cold, Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?

You might not be a Bulls fan.. But I know you felt it when this D Rose.

If I was a robot and you were one too, If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?

Wanna Job? It Blows!

The names Dick, can I put it in you?

Yeah. I'm an asshole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?

Hey, lets play farmer, You be the farmland, I'll plant the seed.

I hope your a plumber, cause you got my pipe leaking.

I think my allergies are acting up. Cuz everytime your around my dick swells up.

Wanna see my third leg?

Walk up to a female and look at her crotch then look at her face back to crotch to face and say "Are you gonna eat that?"

Baby I want to wear you like a pair of sun glasses, one leg over each ear.

Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.

Gurl, you make me wanna dive in the sea..... dat pus-sea.

My penis is like a dictonary want me to blow your mind?

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!

So, what are the chances of my balls slappin' your ass tonight?

Are you my Co-Pilot, cause I'ma take you to the cockpit.

Those boobs look very heavy... can I hold them for you?

Hey since I lifted your spirits, how about you lift up your shirt.

Lets play circus, first sit on my face i'll guess ur weight and i'll eat the difference

Do you like chocolate, cause your gonna choke alot on this dick

Are you constipated? Cause I wanna fuck the shit out of you.

How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!

That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!

You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.

Is it your birthday?, because icing isn't the only thing I'll be smearing all over face your face tonight.

I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

Are you fertilizer, cause you just made me grow 6 inches.

Do you like warm weather? Cause I'm gonna put my warm balls on your face weather you like it or not

Come here or my dick will start CUMING for you!

You need something to shut that big mouth of yours!

Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!

What's the biggest moving muscle in a womens body. My cock!

You Need Directions?...Well First you gotta take this D-tour.

Some men go around telling women they have an eight inch penis; I'd never shortchange myself like that!

I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

Do you like Krispy Kreme, cause I'm gonna glaze your donut.

Lets play house...you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!

You don't want to have sex on your period? I don't mind a little ketchup on the hot dog as long as the bun is tight.

The word for tonight is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word?

Do you like Jalapenos?...Because in a minute imma be jalapeno pussy.

Want to see my hard drive? It ain't 3.5 inches, and it ain't floppy!

Why pay $5 when you can't get this footling for free

Do you handle chickens because you look like you'd be good with cocks

Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?

Gurl, is your ass a library book?, cause I can't stop checking it out.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put my name first so you could memorize what to moan later on tonight

Are you a Jehovah's Witness? Cause I'm about to bend Jehovah and let you witness this dick.

I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!

Do you want to meet me in the park? Cause I wanna park my meat in you.

First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.

Baby!! My love for you is like Diarrhea. It just keeps coming out

Do you use an inhaler? Cause you got assssss ma.

My guitar teacher says my fingering is good, especially on the G-string

So, you're not into casual sex? Fine, I'll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.

Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.

Do you like duck meat? Then duck down here and get some meat.

Having sex is a lot like golf. I'm always happy when I get a hole in one.

You got the three things that I want in a woman, Big nips hips and lips.

"Do you have a composition notebook? Cause you can come position yourself on my face."

Do you like dragons? Cause in a minute I'll be dragon my balls across your face

I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?

Your pants remind me of Vegas.... The kinda place I go to blow my Wad.

How much does your clothes cost? (Woman says "Why do you want to know?") Cause I`ll need to know how much to pay you back after I rip them off.!

I'm an interior decorator. I can fill your interior; I see something big and pink.

Wanna make like scarface and say hello to my little friend

Bring a teabag and screw in your pocket....go to the bar hold up the teabag and screw and ask if she wants to teabag or screw...

Hi! can i stir your drink, mind if i use my dick?

Are you a cowgirl cause I can see you riding me

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore....my face should be among them.

Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.

As long as you need a place to sit, you'll always have my face.

Legs like that should be wrapped around my neck.

They call me the Delivery Man, cause I always come in the back door

Beauty is only skin deep; a huge cock goes much deeper.

Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?, I'll shove a tic tac up your pussy and try to give you 3 O's in a row.

My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?

Do you cum here, often?

My dick is like catnip, it'll make a cougar like you go wild.

Wanna do something that rhymes with truck?

Have this flower before I take yours

Your Ass Looks Nice, does it need servicing cause I got a wrench and some screws just for you.

Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!

My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

Guess what?! I've got an 8" tounge and I can breath out of my ears!

Hey baby, you like Glazed or creme filled?

Do you know Phillis Brown? Cause in a minute you gonna phil-this brown dick

Is Pussy Lips one word? Cause I'm gonna spread them tonight

Do you like Sea World, because your about to be in my splash zone

Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?

Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.

Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?

"Are you cold? Would you like a jacket? Because you can jack it when we get back to my place"

I call my dick the truth because bitches can't handle it

Were you conceived on a sofa? Cause you are sofacking fine.

Let's play breathalyzer! You blow me as hard as you can, and I will tell you how drunk you are!

You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 5.

Since we shouldn't waste things in this bad economy, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.

Excuse me, My name is Ben Dover (bend over). Would you like to meet my friend Master Bates (masturbates)? Or should I do it for you?

(Looking at a girls ass) Where does this bus go anyway?

You know I live a Magnum Lifestyle

I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south?

Do you like yoga? Cause yoganna love this dick

I like being able to breathe but I wouldn't mind having that ass-thma

Hey girl do you wanna dance cos you make my testicals do the macarena

Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.

Hey baby, i was wondering if you got enough sun today because I am trying to give you some vitamin D!

If your ass was snow, I'd plow it.

Come in the house and take off ur coat, open ur mouth and let me coat the back of that throat!

I dont care that u used to be fat, just come here and let me eat that cat!

Hey, do you work on cars? cuz my shaft is needing fixing.

I'm studying to be a Taxidermist. Can I practice stuffing your pussy?

The club ends at 2, I gotta go to work at 8 lets go back to your place so you can get that pussy ate

"Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?" (pull your pockets inside out) "Would you like to?"

Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.

Boy: Spell Me
Girl: M E Boy: You forgot the D Girl: There is no D in me.
Boy: Not yet there isn't.

Boy: Do you wanna be my SLUT?
Girl: WHAT!
Boy: Do you even know what slut stands for?
Boy: (S)weet (L)ittle (U)nforgetable (T)hing

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