Micky Flanagan Stand Up Jokes
"I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. And I thought: 'This could be interesting.'"
"By the mid 90s women wanted to be listened to, you had to listen, you had to have a listening face. But women would exploit your listening face if you get too good at it. Because they had these little break off conversations. Branch offs. But you try to stay focused and listen....She said 'Oh Claudia in work she's having real trouble with her night manager at the moment.' Your like 'In what world, what realm of fantasy, do you think I would have any interest in your friends problems at work with her night manager. What do you want from me here.'"
My friend told me: 'I spent a year surrounded by people with no hope and no future'. I said: 'Well we could've come straight into the Wetherspoons really couldn't we'.
"I've been asked to go on a TV show called Who Do You Think You Are? I said that sounds like the start of a fight where I come from."
"Are we going out? Or are we going out, out?"
Stop teenage pregnancy, bring back fingering.
Iím 26 and my girlfriend is 36. Is 10 years age gap a big difference to have sex? Because her 16 year old sister is fucking hot.
She said "Listen, I don't normally sleep with men as quickly as I happened to have slept with you." And I'm like "Relax Whore-mona".