Trombone Jokes

Q: What do you call a documentary about trombone players?
A: A slide show.

Q: What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
A: It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.

Q: How can you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes!

Q: How do you know when a trombone player is at your door?
A: The doorbell drags.

Q: What is a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.

Q: What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cellular telephone?
A: A optimist.

Q: What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?
A: The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.

Q: How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

Q: How do you know when there's a trombonist at your door?
A: His hat says "Domino's Pizza"

Q: How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.

Q: What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
A: "Year-At-A-Glance."

Q: Why does everyone hate a trombone right off?
A: Saves time.

Q: What do you call an arrogant trombonist?
A: A brass-hole.

Q: What do you call ten trombones at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: What do you throw a drowning trombonist?
A: His case.

Marriage is like playing the trombone. It looks easy until you try it.

Q: What happens when you play the blues backwards?
A: You get your wife and job back.

Q: What is the perfect weight for a trombonist?
A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn.

Q: What does a trombone and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
A: Leave it in a trombone case.

Trombonist: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.

Q: Did you hear the joke about blues music?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the trombone player got hit by a car".

Q: How do you make a million dollars playing the trombone?
A: Start off with 2 million.

Q: Why do trombone players leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer?
A: So they can visit all their kids.

Why did the trombonist cross the road?......I thought while accelerating.

Q: What do all great trombonists have in common?
A: They are all dead.

Q: What do you call a successful trombonist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What's the difference between a trombonist and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A trombonist with a mortgage.

Q: What does a trombone and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

Q: What's the difference between a trombone and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a trombonist and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a trombonist.

Q: What do you call a bunch of trombonists in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.

Q: Did you hear about the trombonist who played in tune?
A: Neither did I.

Q: How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?
A: He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing.

Q: What is the dynamic range of the bass trombone?
A: On or off.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the trombone recital.

Q: What's the difference between a trombone and a horses rear end?
A: I don't know either.

Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician, I play the Trombone."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of trombone players. They called ground control with a list of demands.
Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren't met they will release one trombone player an hour.

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