Banjo Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A: You can turn off a chainsaw.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a Harley-Davidson motorcycle?
A: You can tune a Harley.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun?
A: An Uzi only repeats 40 times.

Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo right off?
A: Saves time.

Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend?
A: Without him, the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.

Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?
A: By their names.

Q: How do you get a million dollars?
A: Start off with 2 million and buy a banjo.

Q: What is the most seldom heard comment made of banjo players?
A: "Say, isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.

Q: How can you tell the stage you're playing on is level?
A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Q: What are the three things musicians don't talk about?
A: Religion, Politics and Banjos.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.

Why did the banjo player cross the road?......I thought while accelerating.

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A: A turkey that can pluck itself!

Q: Did you hear the joke about country music?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the banjo player got hit by a car".

Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos?
A: They make great anchors!

Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: An accordian hitting a banjo in a dumpster.

Q: What is the perfect weight for a banjo player?
A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn.

A young child told his mother "When I grow up I'm going to play the banjo."
His mother responded "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a banjo players arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: Why do musicians leave their banjo on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo player and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a banjo player.

Q: What do all great banjo players have in common?
A: They are all dead.

Q: What do you call a successful banjo player?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo player and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A banjo player with a mortgage.

Q: What does a banjo and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

Q: What's the best thing to play a banjo with?
A: A razor blade.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What do you call twenty banjos at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo?
A: They make good paddles.

Q: What do you call a cow that plays the banjo?
A: A moo-sician

Q: What do you call a bunch of banjo players in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.

Q: Did you hear about the banjo player who played in tune?
A: Neither did I.

Q: What do you call a banjo player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q. What do you call a banjo player with half a brain?
A. Gifted.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.

Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician, I play the banjo."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of banjo players. They called ground control with a list of demands.
Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren't met they will release one banjo player an hour.

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