Spice Jokes
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets Jalapeno business.
Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
What does a good spice rack help you win?
The Hunger Games.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin?
"First invade ze kitchen."
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking?
He ran out of Thyme.
When do you put paprika on eggs?
Fry-Day.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with?
The Spice Girl next door.
What do cloves use for money?
Garlic "Bread."
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper?
Garden hose!
Why do baby seals swim in salt water?
Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush?
He had it cumin.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks?
The Salad Bar!
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt?
Why you INSALT MEEE.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film?
Catch me if you Cayenne.
How should you live your life?
By seasoning the moment.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients?
They cut a dill.
What do you get when you spice up date night?
Netflix and Chilis.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships?
Leeks.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food?
After getting to third basil.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry?
A Mega-sore-arse.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull?
He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What did baby clock ask mama clock?
Where's father Thyme.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder?
He went into a korma.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce?
He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings?
It's always a shady dill.
Why can't chefs play baseball?
They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Teacher: What are the seasons?
Student: Salt, pepper, ginger ...
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A cayenne pepper stuck in one of his ears, a ginger root in the other ear, and a jalapeno stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
Garlic, Pickle, & Penis
A garlic clove, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The garlic clove said my life sucks, when i get big and fat they cut me up and cook me.
The pickle said when I get big and fat they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.
The penis said, when I get big and fat they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!
Math Mistake
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 cups of chili powder and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 cups of chili powder ."