Chocolate Jokes

What kind of candy is never on time?

What are the 4 major food groups?
Pizza, Coffee, Chocolate and Sex.

What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.

How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin?
First, invade ze kitchen.

How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies?
Theres M&M shells all over the floor.

If Jake has 30 chocolate bars, and eats 25, what does he have?
Diabetes..... Jake has diabetes...

What is a monkey's favorite cookie?
Chocolate chimp!

What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate?
A Candy Baa.

Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty?
They had a baby, Ruth.

What do you call a womanising chocolate?
A cad-bury.

How do you know it's cold outside?
When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!

What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?
Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe

Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.

What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar!

What candy is only for girls?
HER-SHEy's Kisses!

What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!

What kind of candy makes fun of you?
Tootsie Trolls.

Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars?
You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"

What is an astronauts favorite chocolate?
A marsbar!

What is the opposite of Chocolate?

What did the M&M go to college?
Because he wanted to be a Smarty.

What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?
Chocolate Chip Wookiee.

What Christmas carol do candy bars sing?
Almond Joy To The World.

What is a French cat's favorite dessert?
Chocolate mousse!

What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend?
A Payday

Q: Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
A: Because it lost its filling

What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate?

What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once?
Your gonna choke alot.

What does it do before it rains candy?
It sprinkles!

What do you call dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.

Why does the jellybean go to school?
Because he wants to become a smartie.

Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet!
Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!

What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk?
The worlds best Sundae!

How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie?

What do you call people who like to drink hot chocolate all year long?

Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.

Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn't last too long for fat people.

There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars.

A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke...

What's the best part of Valentines Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

Don't bite off more than you can chew, unless its chocolate.

Yo mamma so fat, when she walked out of candy land there was nothing left!

So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right?

Yo mamma so dumb, if her brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill a M&M.

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Candy who?
Candy cow jump over the moon?

Magic Lamp
A man found a magic lamp on the beach. He rubbed it and out popped a genie, who gave the man three wishes.
The man wished for a million dollars, and poof! There was a million dollars.
Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! There was a convertible.
And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women... Poof! He turned into a box of chocolates.

Sweet Sweet Baby Ruth
It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.

I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy!

I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots.

It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"

Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.

She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said, "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?"

(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)

She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst!

Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Cadbury Egg in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!

A Guyanese and a Jamaican walk into a store, the guyanese tief a chocolate bar and when they left the store he said "yuh see dat?" mi tief three chocolate bars.

"nobody cya tief like me!", and the jamaican said " mek wi go back to the store,me ago show yuh a who a the real tief".

They went in and the jamaican said to the cashier " yuh want to see a magic trick?" the cashier said " sure" "hand me a chocolate bar" he ate it. "hand me another one" he ate that too, " hand me one more" and he ate it.

"Mon, where's the magic?" said the cashier. The jamaican mon said "check the guyanese pockets and yuh find all three a dem"

Nursing Home
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.

The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"

The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."

The man says, "And the Viagra?"

"Keeps him from falling out of bed."

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