Iraq Jay Leno Jokes


"You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch." -Jay Leno

"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium and unleaded." -Jay Leno

"Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war." -Jay Leno

"President Bush agreed today to allow more weapons inspectors in Iraq. As I understand he has 250,000 of them ready to go." -Jay Leno

"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular." -Jay Leno

"According to the Pentagon today, secret surrender negotiations are now underway with key Iraqi military officials. That's what the Pentagon said: We're in secret negotiations, so for God sakes, don't tell anyone. ... What we're doing basically is giving these key Iraqi military officials instructions on how to surrender. See, this is where we could have used the French." -Jay Leno

"One of the interpreters hired by CBS for the Dan Rather/Saddam Hussein interview adopted a phony Arabic accent. You know, maybe CBS should have hired somebody with a fake Dan Rather accent to ask tougher questions." -Jay Leno

"Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free." -Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language." -Jay Leno

"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida." -Jay Leno

"The latest word is that Saddam Hussein is now creating a buffer zone in Northern Iraq to defend against a northern invasion. Experts say if he's successful this could extend the length of the war by up to seven minutes." -Jay Leno

"According to the New York Times, Saddam Hussein has mined all his oil fields, planted bombs in all his major cities, he's got bombs in the military installations, in the airports, and he's mined all the government buildings. There's not much left for us to do, really." -Jay Leno

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