Boyfriend Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?
A: Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!

Q: Why are Boyfriends like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are already taken!

Q: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?
A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.

Q: What does a penis and a boyfriend have in common?
A: All men have one!

Girlfriend: Wanna see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure, babe.
Girlfriend: BAM! You're single.

Q. How can you tell if your boyfriend is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q: What do you call a man made out of garbage?
A: Your ex-boyfriend!

Q. When would you want a man's company?
A. When he owns it!

Q. How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Do you know how to tell if your boyfriend is geting fat?
He can wear your husbands clothes...

Q: What book do women like the most?
A: "Their boyfriends paycheck!"

Q: Why do only 10 percent of boyfriends make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

My boyfriend likes to eat vegetables that looks like him for dinner.
Good thing he's a cute-cumber.

Q: How can you tell when your boyfriend is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for boyfriends?
A: It changes their DNA.

Q: Why are boyfriends like cars?
A: Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

Q: How many ex-boyfriends does it take to tile a bathroom?
A: Two - if you slice them very thinly.

Q: How do boyfriends exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini

Q: What do a good employee and a boyfriend have in common?
A: They're always coming early.

Q: What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?
A: They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football?
A: The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

Q: What's a boyfriends definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.

Q: What do you call a boyfriend who Masterbates more than twice a day?
A: A Terrorwrist

Q: How does a boyfriend show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys an extra case of beer.

Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?
A: A Boyfriend.

Q: What is a major turnoff?
A: When your boyfriend talks about his ex.

Q: Why does your boyfriend have a hole in their penis?
A: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

Q: What's a boyfriends idea of honesty in a relationship?
A: Telling you his real name.

While the Daughter is getting ready for her Date, the Dad says to the Boyfriend "What's the first thing you feel when you stick your hands down a girls pants?"
The boyfriend shrugs I don't know ... and the Dad slaps the boyfriends face hard!

Every guy should give their girl 3 things: A stuffed animal, jewelry, and one of his sweatshirts sprayed with cologne.

A boyfriend suppose to make yo panties WET not yo Eyes

A jealous boyfriend is a faithful boyfriend. If he doesnt get jealous when someone has your attention, it's because someone has his

Kissing your boyfriend on the cheek(good) kissing your boyfriend in the mouth (awesome) Kissing your boyfriend in front of his ex (boss).

Boyfriends are like blue jeans. They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced..

A butcher goes on a first date and says 'It was nice meating you'

It was so hot today, I almost called my ex-boyfriend to be around something shady.

Every time I have to carry my groceries up the stairs, I wish I had a boyfriend.

A Good Boyfriend : Knows you, trusts you, loves you, respects you, honors you, supports you, wants you, and appreciates you.

My boyfriend is like my iPhone. I don't have one.

Boyfriend: Dear do you know that exams are like girlfriend?
Girlfriend: How funny?
Boyfriend: Yes, they are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful..

Boyfriend: Do you want a kiss?
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Do you remember what i just said?
Girlfriend: Do you want a kiss?
Boyfriend: Yes, if you insist..

Girlfriend: "If you were my husband, I would poison your drink".
Boyfriend: "If you were my wife, I would drink it!"

Boyfriend: "Life's a bitch, just like you."
Girlfriend: "Actually life is short, just like your dick."

Boyfriend: Amazing world, only 25% boys have common sense, very short figure!
Girlfriend: What about Rest?
Boyfriend: Well rest have GIRLFRIENDS!

Girlfriend: I want to end up our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me..
Boyfriend: What a joke? Okay then, let's start with Kisses!"

Boyfriend: "Hey babe, you smell that?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Me neither, start cooking."

Boyfriend: "Oh my god it smells like upsexy in here"
Girlfriend: "Whats up sexy?"
Boyfriend: "Oh nothing much, you?"

Girlfriend: Ily.
Boyfriend: Awww spell it out to make it more romantic.
Girlfriend: I'm leaving you.

Boyfriend: I Have 2 words to tell you.
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: I love you.
Girlfriend: isnt that 3?
Boyfriend: No. because "You"& "I" count as 1

Girl: asshole...
Boy: I've been called worse before.
Girl: Ha, like what?
Boy: you're boyfriend.

Mom: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes. Mom: Oh my gosh, I wanna meet him!
Me: Buy me backstage passes to his concert and we both will.

Snake Venom

One day a happy couple Jay and Marie were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick.
Since no one was around for miles Marie called a hospital and told the doctor "Quick Quick I need your help my boyfriend got bit by a snake on his penis"
The doctor told her "Maam your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself"
Marie asked "Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom"
The doctor says "Sorry theres nothing we can do"
So Marie goes running to her boyfriend
When she gets there Jay says with pain "So what did the doctor say?"
Marie says "Doctor said your gonna die"


I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled
So I told her to fuck off.

Rich & Poor

A rich man and a poor man are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends.
"What are you getting your girlfriend?" asks the poor man.
And the rich man says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Marcedes."
"Why both?" asks the poor man.
And the rich man says "That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Marcedes when she returns the ring."
And then the rich man asks the poor man "What are you getting your girlfriend?"
And the poor man says "I'm buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."


A man comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend and she says "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."
And her boyfriend asks "Why, don't you have a vase?"

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